The Cullens including Bella use AIM!
by ThePurpleDragonOfAmazingness
Summary: The Cullens use AIM. Watch the stupid/ funny/ strange/ retarded/ and crazy things they do. sorry, I suck at summaries. AIM plot: Overused? Yes. Funny? ALways. at least, I hope so... rated T, just in case...NOTE: OOC sillyness. **ON HOLD**
1. Alice's game

**K, so...this is my first fanfic, so I figured that I would start with some thing simple. So here goes...oh, don't forget to R&R. Hit or Miss? Yay or Nay?? I MUST KNOW!!**

**Disclaimer: No, of course I don't own Twlight ****or**** Edward Cullen. In what parallel dimension do you live in where I would ****ever**** be that lucky?! Let me know, and I might pay it a visit... **

**Chapter one: Alice's game and...ESME'S CHEATING ON CARLISLE?!**

**PillowBiter1901: Edward**

**HotDog: Jacob**

**RunsW/Wolves: Nessie**

**I'mFlyAndYouKnowIt: Emmett**

**DrCarlizzzzle: Carlisle**

**(srsly)YoMama: Esme**

**Shopping Spree: Alice**

**DaChillPill Jasper**

**Beautiful.X.Blonde: Rosalie**

**Bite x Me: Bella**

**-- **

_**PillowBiter1901 has entered chat**_

_**Bite x Me**__**has entered chat**_

**PillowBiter1901: um...Bella?**

**Bite x Me: ...yeah?**

**PillowBiter1901: You are already a vampire...**

**Bite x Me: And...?**

**PillowBiter1901: What's with ur screen name?**

**Bite x Me: Oh. Just emotionally attached. Ahh, good times...**

**PillowBiter1901: ahh, yes, all those wonderful times that I almost killed you...**

**Bite x Me: ...I didn't mind...**

**PillowBiter1901: Of course you didn't.**

_**Shopping Spree has entered chat**_

_**DaChillPill has entered chat**_

_**I'mFlyAndYouKnowIt has entered chat**_

**Bite x Me: Hey, Alice, Jazz...Emmett?**

**I'mFlyAndYouKnowIt: Pshhh...yeah. Who else wold have a sn as awesome as this other than ur own hime-skillet?**

**Bite x Me: ...**

**Shopping Spree: ...**

**DaChillPill: what...the...f?**

**PillowBiter1901: my words exactly.**

**DaChillPill: and while we're on the topic of screen names...would you care to explain yours, Eddy?**

**PillowBiter1901: Uh...it's...a...long story.**

**Shopping Spree: we have time.**

**Bite x Me: uh...-blushes-**

**DaChillPill: oh. OH. Well, never mind, then.**

**Shopping Spree: awkward...**

**I'mFlyAndYouKnowIt: fo-shizzle, mah home slice.**

**Bite x Me: no.**

**I'mFlyAndYouKnowIt: NO WHAT?!**

**Bite x Me: don't EVER say that. EVER.**

**I'mFlyAndYouKnowIt: ur not my mom.**

**Bite x Me: fine. But if you get to act gangster, I get to act emo.**

**DaChillPill: uh...sorry, Bella, already taken.**

**Bite x Me: fine. I'll act valley girlish then. **

**Shopping Spree: OH! OH! ME TOO!**

**PillowBiter1901: oh please, please no...**

**Shopping Spree: OMIGOSH, BELLA!! did you SEE those shoes?! the other girls were all, "yahhh...I'm sooo gettin those" but we were all like, "nuh-uh" and they were like, "uhhhh-huh" and then we said, "oh no you didn'tttt" and we, like, snapped r fingerz in a z- formation and we're like "mmmmhmmm." and we went all up in there and bought those shoes, grrrrl.**

**Bite x Me: OH YAHHH! And then they all went— **

**I'mFlyAndYouKnowIt: AHH MAKE IT STOP!! SPARE MEEEEEE!**

**Bite x Me: only if you stop being obnoxious.**

**DaChillPill: Bella, you do realize that you just asked the impossible, right?**

**I'mFlyAndYouKnowIt: HEY!!**

**Bite x Me: -sigh- figures. Okay, then only if you are **_**less**_** obnoxious than you are now. K?**

**I'mFlyAndYouKnowIt: sure. There's just one problem: idunno how to change my sn...**

**Shopping Spree: I DO!! Watcha want ur name to be?**

**I'mFlyAndYouKnowIt: uh-uh. Do NOT hack my account. **

**PillowBiter1901: hey Bella?**

**Bite x Me: yes?**

**PillowBiter1901: is that another reason you wont change ur sn? Cuz, that's been ur sn ever since Alice forced you to get an AIM, and you've never changed it...**

**Bite x Me: uh...well...that was certainly a part of it...**

**Shopping Spree: I'LL CHANGE URS TOO!! WAIT— LETS MAKE IT A GAME!!**

**PillowBiter1901: oh joy...another game...**

**Shopping Spree: Eddy... -evil glare-**

**PillowBiter1901: I'm sorry. Did I not show the proper level of enthusiasm? I meant; WOO-HOO! Fantastic. Oh, and NEVER CALL ME THAT.**

_**Beautiful.X.Blonde has entered chat**_

_**RunsW/Wolves has entered chat**_

_**(srsly)YoMama has entered chat**_

_**DrCarlizzzzle has entered chat**_

_**HotDog has entered chat**_

**Shopping Spree:**__**Rosalie! Nessie! Esme! Carlisle! Jake! You guys made it just in time for my game!!**

**HotDog, DrCarlizzzzle, (srsly)YoMama , RunsW/Wolves, Beautiful.X.Blonde in unison: wonderful**_**.**_

**PillowBiter1901:**__**haha...that's what I said.**

**Shopping Spree:**__**shut it, Eddy**_**.**_

**PillowBiter1901**_**: **_**DON'T CALL ME THAT.**

**HotDog: Woah, Eddy, what's with the name?**

**DaChillPill:**__**don't ask.**

**HotDog: oh. Well. Alright then.**

**Shopping Spree:**__**ANYWAY**_**. **_**BACK TO MY GAME**_**.**_

**PillowBiter1901**_**:**_** oh, I'm sorry, does it bother you that we momentarily ignored you?**

**Shopping Spree:**__**YES. VERY MUCH SO.**

**PillowBiter1901**_**:**_** haha.**

**Shopping Spree: ignoring. ANYWAY. My game is: Emmett, you get to change Rosalies sn, and Rosalie, you changed Emmetts. Edward, change Bellas and Bella change Edwards. Jazz, change mine and I'll change urs. Esme change Carlizzzles and Carlizzzle, you will change Esmes. Jake change Nessies and Nessie you'll change Jakes. Get it?**

**PillowBiter1901**_**:**_** Jake, nothing inappropriate, got it?**

**HotDog: sure, sure.**

**I'mFlyAndYouKnowIt: Esme, have you been cheating on Carlisle?? Who is this 'Carlizzzle'?**

**PillowBiter1901**_**:**_** idiot.**

**DaChillPill: LOL**

**(srsly)YoMama: Emmett, Carlizzzle is Carlisle's screen name.**

**DrCarlizzzzle: Yes, Emmett. It's me. **

**I'mFlyAndYouKnowIt: nuh-uh. I still think ur cheating.**

**(srsly)YoMama: -sigh-**

**I'mFlyAndYouKnowIt: SEE!!**

**Beautiful.X.Blonde: drop it, Emmett. Yes, you are an idiot, but ur my idiot :)**

**I'mFlyAndYouKnowIt: awww...thanx Rose :)**

**DaChillPill: LOL**

**Beautiful.X.Blonde: -giggle-**

**I'mFlyAndYouKnowIt: wait...HEY!!**

**Bite x Me: I hate to admit it, but...this actually sounds fun...except for 2 things: one, Edward, I don't kno ur password. And two, I still don't know how to change the sn.**

**Shopping Spree: his password is 'Bella'.**

**Bite x Me: doesn't solve #2.**

**Shopping Spree: ugh. I'll show you. C'mon.**

**Bite x Me: thanx Alice.**

**PillowBiter1901**_**:**_** WAIT! Bella, I don't know ur password.**

**Shopping Spree: it's 'Edward'. Now let's GO. **

**HotDog: Aww...it's so sweet...it makes me gag.**

**RunsW/Wolves: -giggles-**

**Shopping Spree: alright, now go and change each others screen names...NOW!**

_**Bite x Me has left the chat**_

_**Shopping Spree has left the chat**_

_**RunsW/Wolves has left the chat**_

_**PillowBiter1901 has left the chat**_

_**HotDog has left the chat**_

_**DaChillPill has left the chat**_

_**Beautiful.X.Blonde**__**has left the chat**_

_**DrCarlizzzzle has left the chat**_

_**(srsly)YoMama**__**has left the chat**_

**I'mFlyAndYouKnowIt: fo-shizzle.**

**I'mFlyAndYouKnowIt:** **...**

**I'mFlyAndYouKnowIt: shoobiddy-doo-bop**

**I'mFlyAndYouKnowIt: ...**

_**I'mFlyAndYouKnowIt**_ _**has left the chat**_

**A/N OOHHHH...cliffhanger!! Not really**. **Just tune in to see what strange names they will come up with for each other...Just R&R for me to continue**.**..just **_**one teensy-weensy **_**reveiw and I will continue. More is always appriciated, and I will be happy to take any recommendations you have for** **the new** **screen names :) kthanxbye**

– **Jazz**


	2. The Box of Doooom, Therapists, and Gays

**A/N THANK YOU ALL FOR REVIEWING!! Even if there were'nt that many, I DON'T REALLY CARE!! ****Some**** fans are better than ****none.**** THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUUUUU!!** **I just want you all to know that your reviews made my day. Yet again, THANK YOUUUU! Please read the authors note at the end.**

**DISCLAIMER: I ****DO NOT**** OWN TWILIGHT OR EDWARD CULLEN. (sobs) But...I DO own;**

– **the screen names**

– **and the out-of-character randomness. (Which isn't much, but at least it's something.)**

**CHAPTER 2: The Box Of Dooooom, Therapists, and Gays (NO OFFENCE TO THOSE WHO ARE. IT'S JUST A JOKE.)**

**(A/N I will not tell you the screen names, but you **_**will**_** find out and they **_**will **_**be pretty obvious)**

**(A/N #2 Special Guest Alert!! I don't own the 'special guest' either...)**

_**adorablePIXIE**_ _**has entered chat.**_

_**EMOvampy has entered chat.**_

**adorablePIXIE**_**: **_**JAZZ!****I love my new sn :)**

**EMOvampy: glad you like it.**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** do you like urs?**

**EMOvampy: well, yeah, except... WHY DO YOU GUYS KEEP MAKING FUN OF ME?!**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** cuz its fun :)**

**EMOvampy: oh, I see how it is. So, Alice, do you think I would make a good therapist? Hmm?**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** well, yes of course. Except when you start acting all emo. Then they might run away.**

**EMOvampy: and...how does that make you feeeeeeeeel?**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** well, idunno. I guess it's kinda funny when you have ur emo moments.**

**EMOvampy: how do you feeeeeeeel about that?**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** okay, stop. Its getting annoying.**

**EMOvampy: how does that make you feeeeeeeeel?**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** ANNOYED. NOW STOP.**

**EMOvampy: haha. :) okay. At least now you know how it feeeeeeels.**

_**FluffumsTheTeddyBear has entered chat.**_

_**SEXIblondIE**_ _**has entered chat.**_

**SEXIblondIE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!**

**EMOvampy**_**:**_** LOL**

**adorablePIXIE: ROTFL!!**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: ROSALIE!!**

**SEXIblondIE: sorry, I just had to. Love my name, btw ;)**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: haha Jasper, look at urs.**

**EMOvampy**_**:**_** HAHA LOOK AT ****URS****!!**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: STOP. IT. OR ELSE...**

**EMOvampy**_**:**_** would you like me to go get the box?**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: NO!! NOT THE BOX!! IT'S DARK IN THERE!! and Snifflepoo doesn't like the dark...**

**adorablePIXIE: Snifflepoo...?**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: yes. Snifflepoo is my rubber duckie.**

**EMOvampy**_**:**_** HAHAHA FLUFFUMS THE TEDDY BEAR HAS A RUBBER DUCKIE NAMED SNIFFLEPOO!!**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Shut it, emo boy.**

**EMOvampy**_**:**_** I ****will**** get the box.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: NO! NONONONONONO!! I'LL BE GOOD, OKAY? SEE?! It's okay Snifflepoo...the emo boy won't hurt you...**

**EMOvampy**_**:**_** ignoring.**

_**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver has entered chat.**_

_**ThePefectAngel has entered chat.**_

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: hahahahah! Edward look at ur sn!!**

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver: look at yours.**

**ThePefectAngel: LOL! Fluffums...nice one, Rosalie.**

**SEXIblondIE: Thank you :)**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: SHUT. UP. SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!!**

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver: I'll go get the box, Emmett. **

**EMOvampy**_**:**_** yeah. You said you'd be good. Into the box...**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NO, I PROMISE!! **

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver: hmmmm...okay then. We'll spare you...for now.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: okay...see, Snifflepoo, the mean person and the emo boy wont hurt you...**

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver: Snifflepoo? Should I ask...?**

**EMOvampy**_**:**_** No.**

**adorablePIXIE: Don't. Please.**

**SEXIblondIE: NO.**

**ThePefectAngel: Just...Don't ask, Eddy.**

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver: NOT YOU TOO!! DON'T CALL ME THAT!!**

**ThePefectAngel: ur...ur...YELLING at me...?**

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver: what? No! No, never!!**

**ThePefectAngel: but...but...you were yelling at me!!**

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver: I'm sorry, Bella!!**

**ThePefectAngel: What are you sorry for?! you just said that you weren't yelling at me!!**

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver: I wasn't!!**

**ThePefectAngel: THEN WHAT ARE YOU APOLOGIZING FOR!? Honestly, Eddy, I don't get you at all.**

**EMOvampy**_**:**_** LOL**

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver: I am apologizing for offending you, which I obviously did, even though I don't know what I did.**

**ThePefectAngel: YOU WERE YELLING AT ME!!**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Bella, I hate to burst ur bubble, but he can't yell at you. We are on AIM. You can't yell at someone over AIM unless you put -yells- in front of what he wrote. (Which he didn't do) plus, he is incapable of yelling at you Bella. He just can't.**

**ThePefectAngel: SO NOW UR YELLING AT ME TOO?! ****AND**** BURSTING MY BUBBLE?! HOW COULD YOU EMMETT!!**

**EMOvampy**_**:**_** LOL **

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver: Calm down, Bella, Emmett was just being an idiot as usual. Jasper, help me out please...**

**ThePefectAngel: Edward, how could you!! you're leaving me!? I can't believe you!!**

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver: WHAT?! Jasper...**

**EMOvampy**_**:**_** I'm sorry, I'm sorry!! I'm watching a soap opera...Bobby, how could you?! You can't just leave her!!**

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver: Jasper. **

**EMOvampy**_**:**_** Sorry. **

**ThePefectAngel: ...okay...I'm okay now...**

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver: That's good :)**

_**Dr.McSparkly entered chat.**_

_**MotherOfIdiots has entered chat.**_

**EMOvampy**_**:**_** Nice job Carlisle. Her sn is totally true when it comes to Emmett.**

**ThePefectAngel: LOL**

**adorablePIXIE: HAHAHA!!**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: HEY!!**

**Dr.McSparkly**_**:**_** ...Emmett? Nice screen name...lol**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:****SOPPIT!!**

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver: I'll go get the box...**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: No! I'll be good!!**

**EMOvampy**_**:**_** never gets old.**

**SEXIblondIE: haha.**

**Dr.McSparkly: well, I gotta go continue my shift at the hospital...bye.**

**MotherOfIdiots: yeah, I have to go to make some cookies!!**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: but...we don't eat...**

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver: Shut it, Emmett.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: WHY DO YOU ALL HATE ME?!**

**EMOvampy**_**:**_** STOPPIT!! BEING EMO AND OVERREACTING IS ****MY**** THING!!**

**Dr.McSparkly: ...well, bye.**

_**Dr.McSparkly**_ _**has left chat.**_

**MotherOfIdiots: ...yeah...those cookies wont make themselves...**

_**MotherOfIdiots**_ _**has left chat.**_

**adorablePIXIE: uh-ohhhh...**

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver: what?**

**adorablePIXIE: You'll see...in 17 seconds...**

_**(17 seconds later)**_

_**SmellyDog has entered chat.**_

_**LickItLikeALollipop has entered chat.**_

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver: RENESMEE?! JACOB, YOU ****WILL**** DIE. Nessie, nice job with his name. It ****does**** fit.**

**LickItLikeALollipop: -giggle-**

**SmellyDog: HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Just wanted to see your reaction ;)**

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver: NOT. FUNNY.**

**ThePefectAngel: Nessie...go change ur sn before your father breaks...the house...Jakes neck...or anything breakable in general.**

**LickItLikeALollipop: lol okay**

_**LickItLikeALollipop**__**has left chat.**_

_**JakesGirl has entered chat.**_

**JakesGirl**_**: **_**Better?**

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver:****yes :)****oh, and Jacob, you will be fatally wounded ****sometime in the very ****near future.**

**SmellyDog:****Pshh, whatever. Like the name, Nessie ;)**

_**CupO'Joe has entered chat.**_

_**Mr.adorable has entered chat.**_

_**UberDuperQueer has entered chat.**_

**EMOvampy**_**: **_**who are you...?**

**Mr.adorable**_**: **_**...Bob.**

**UberDuperQueer**_**: **_**...Bill.**

**CupO'Joe**_**: ...**_**Joe.**

**Mr.adorable**_**: **_**Joe!! ur not supposed to tell them that ur real name is Joe!!**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:****so...what's ur **_**reeeeeeal**_** name 'Joe'?**

**CupO'Joe**_**: **_**Joe.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:****Oh.**

**UberDuperQueer**_**: **_**Dude...what's with ur sn...?**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:**_** ...**_**whats with ****urs****?**

**Mr.adorable**_**: **_**hahaha...I changed it...**

**UberDuperQueer**_**: **_**Thanks Nick!! I wanted to tell the story!!**

**Mr.adorable**_**: **_**whatever. Deal with it. **

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:****wait...rewind...who is this Nick?**

**Mr.adorable**_**: ...**_**ooops...**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:****so...Mr. Queer, what is ****ur**** real name?? Hmmm?**

**UberDuperQueer**_**: ...**_**um...**

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver:****We'll put you in the box if you don't tell us**_**.**_

**UberDuperQueer**_**:**_** NO! NOT THE BOX!! ANYTHING BUT THE BOX!! SPARE MEHHHHH!!**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: OMIGOSH! YOU'VE BEEN IN THERE, TOO?! ISN'T IT ****DAAAAAAARRRRKKKKK****??**

**UberDuperQueer**_**:**_** YAHHH!!**

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver: I repeat; tell us ur name or we'll put you in the box.**

**UberDuperQueer**_**:**_** ALRIGHT ALRIGHT, IT'S...Kevin...**

**CupO'Joe**_**:**_** way to crack under the pressure, Kev.**

**Mr.adorable**_**:**_** Yeah. Nicccce.**

**UberDuperQueer**_**:**_** stoppit.**

**ThePefectAngel: WAIT! Waitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwait!! ...Kevin...Nick...Joe...O.MI.GOSHHHHHH!! YOU ARE SOOO THE JONAS BROTHERS!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THE JONAS BROTHERS ARE STALKING ME!!**

**SEXIblondIE: woahwoahwoah...back up. WHAT MAKE YOU THINK THEY ARE STALKING ****YOU?**** THEY ARE SO STALKING ME!! Right, Joe?**

**CupO'Joe**_**:**_** SEE! And ****this**** is why we don't tell people our names.**

**UberDuperQueer**_**:**_** YOU SHOULD TALK!! YOU WERE THE FIRST!!**

**CupO'Joe**_**:**_** ...so?**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Oh. I get it. Haha. THAT explains ur sn Kevin!! Lookit, Eddy, you have a gay friend!!**

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver: I am ****NOT**** gay.**

**UberDuperQueer**_**:**_** I am ****NOT**** gay.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Mmhmm. Only gays wouldn't admit that they were gay. **

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver: I. AM. NOT. GAY.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: ...I think you are. You just married Bella and had a child to cover it up...LIKE CLAY AIKEN!!**

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver: um...Emmett, he wasn't married.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Only gays would stand up for their fellow gays.**

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver: Emmett, shut up. You have no idea what your saying.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: only gays would say that.**

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver: Would you like to pay a visit to the box?**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: -gulp- no...**

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver: Then shut up. You don't know what your talking about. I. AM. NOT. GAY.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Sure, whatever...coughgaaaayyyyyycough**

**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver: Remember Emmett; the box...is waiting for you...**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: -cowers-**

**CupO'Joe**_**:**_** WOW.**

**adorablePIXIE: JOE, I LOVE YOU!! UR STALKING ME, RIGHT? RIGHT??**

**CupO'Joe**_**:**_** um...no...**

**SEXIblondIE: That's because he's stalking me :)**

**CupO'Joe**_**:**_** uh...no**

**ThePefectAngel: HA! That means he's stalking me!!**

**CupO'Joe**_**:**_** uh...not really.**

**ThePefectAngel: Edward, put him in the box.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: LOL**

**ThePefectAngel: ur next Emmett.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: -gulps- -cowers, again-**

**EMOvampy**_**:**_** HAHA. This is fun to watch.**

**CupO'Joe**_**:**_** uh...gotta go...**

**adorablePIXIE: I LOVE YOU, JOE. BYEEEE!!**

**CupO'Joe**_**:**_** uh...sure...**

_**CupO'Joe has left chat.**_

**Mr.adorable**_**:**_** uh...bye**

**ThePefectAngel: NICK, UR UH-MAZZING.**

**Mr.adorable**_**:**_** thanks...**

_**Mr.adorable has left chat.**_

**UberDuperQueer**_**:**_** NOOOO!! DON'T LEAVE ME ALL ALONE HERE WITH THESE...THESE...FANGIRLS!! IT'S WORSE THAN THE BOX!!**

**SEXIblondIE: We don't fangirl you, Kevin. You're gay.**

**UberDuperQueer**_**:**_** AM NOT!! See, this ALWAYS happens!!**

**ThePefectAngel: STOP BEING MEAN TO KEVIN, ROSE!!**

**UberDuperQueer**_**:**_** THANK YOU!! now...bye**

**ThePefectAngel: BYEEEE!!**

_**UberDuperQueer has left chat.**_

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: HAHA...you scared the Jonas Brothers away...**

**SEXIblondIE: THAT'S IT. INTO THE BOX YOU GO.**

_**SEXIblondIE has left chat.**_

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: No, wait, ROSE!! WE CAN TALK THIS OUT!! I'M SORRY, I'M S— OH S#!#NIT!!**

_**FluffumsTheTeddyBear has left chat.**_

**JakesGirl**_**:**_** LMAO!!**

**SmellyDog: HAHAHAHA!!**

**ThePefectAngel: Woah. Where did you two come from?**

**JakesGirl**_**:**_** We've been here. Watching. Waiting...**

**ThePefectAngel: For...what?**

**SmellyDog: -shruggs- Emmett to do something stupid.**

**EMOvampy**_**:**_** well, you got what you came for.**

**SmellyDog: PSHH, YEAH!!**

**adorablePIXIE: HEY!! IN A MINUTE AND 34 SECONDS, ROSE IN GONNA FORCE EMMETT INTO THE BOX, AND ALL THE WHILE HE WILL BE BEGGING FOR MERCY AND GRIPPING ONTO HIS RUBBER DUCKIE FOR DEAR LIFE!! HAHA!!**

**SmellyDog: I WANNA WATCH!!**

**adorablePIXIE: THEN LETS ****GO****!! 1:21 AND COUNTING...**

_**SmellyDog has left chat.**_

_**adorablePIXIE has left chat.**_

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**A/N REALLY RANDOM. I KNOW. I personally think the first chapter was better, BUT THAT'S NOT UP TO ME!! R&R please!! HIT or MISS?! TELL MEHHH!!**

** I have to give credit where credit is due:**

— **thank you ****Nathalie Cullen13** **for the use of the names** **SEXIblondIE** **and ****adorablePIXIE**.

— **and I need to thank my uh-mazzing friends** **for giving me the ideas; **

**1. The Jonas Brothers randomly joining the chat.**

**2. Jasper becoming a therapist**.

**3. The names **_**EMOvampy**_, _**ThePefectAngel**_ **(I dunno. She said it sounded like something Edward would use for Bella), **_**JakesGirl**_, _**MotherOfIdiots**_, _**Mr.adorable**_, _**CupO'Joe**_, _**Dr.McSparkly**_**, and **_**UberDuperQueer**_.** (I CAME UP WITH **_**TheOnlySexyVolvoOwnerEver**_, _**FluffumsTheTeddyBear**_, **and **_**LickItLikeALollipop**_** all by myself!! so proud (of myself! pats self on back) )**

**4. Also, I'd like to thank EmStar202 for the idea of making Nessie's sn inappropriate to piss Edward off. Got me out of some serious writers block. **

**5. The Kevin-bashing was also my friends idea. Kevin is cool. I would never say that. (But you ****know** **that Emmett would...)**

**Oh, and btw...I should tell you that every chapter, Emmett will have a different personality. Chapter 1, he was gangster (sortof) and in Chapter 2, he was cowardly so...help me decide what personality he will have in Chapter 3!! and also, Chapter 3 will be a music chapter, so send me ur favoritist song ever and I will put it in!! (who cares if that's not even a word...) That's all! k.thanx.byee.**

— **Jazz**


	3. Silly Billy, I’m tanning in the shade!

**A/N THANK YOU TO ALL WHO REVEIWED!! REMEBER TO R&R IF YOU LIKED IT, AND TO R&R IF YOU DIDN'T!! (in other words, if you are currently reading this, when you are done, press the button thingy at the bottom of the page. YOU. DO. NOT. HAVE. A. CHOICE. MWAHAHAHAHA!!)**

**-sigh- I do not own Twilight, but I do own waffles. Not the waffle-company ppl, cuz they are uh-mazzing, just a box of waffles in my freezer. That is all.**

**Chapter 3: Silly Billy, I'm tanning in the shade!!**

**(A/N #2** **some kept the new sn, some changed it back)**

**PillowBiter1901: Edward**

**HotDog: Jacob**

**RunsW/Wolves: Nessie**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:****Emmett**

**Dr.McSparkly**_**:**_** Carlisle**

**MotherOfIdiots: Esme**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_**Alice**

**DaChillPill: Jasper**

**SEXIblondIE:****Rosalie**

**Bite x Me: Bella**

_**PillowBiter1901 has entered chat.**_

_**FluffumsTheTeddyBear has entered chat.**_

_**adorablePIXIE**__**has entered chat.**_

**PillowBiter1901: Emmett, you could have changed ur sn back you know...**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **but I can't remember how I did** **it...**

**PillowBiter1901: LOL sucks to be you, then.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **grrrr...**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **...so, Emmett, how was the box?**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **DARK!!**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **haha...that just reminded me of a song...**

**PillowBiter1901:** **what song...?**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **FUN BOX, OH FUN BOX! SMALL AND SQUARE AND DARK!! FUN BOX, OH FUN BOX, CHECK OUT THESE COOL FUN LOCKS, YAAAY!!**

**PillowBiter1901:** **oh. Haha.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **LOCKS?! You LOCKED me in there?! how COULD you!!**

**PillowBiter1901:** **Emmett, that was just part of the song.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Oh. I'm hungry.**

**PillowBiter1901: Emmett, did it ever occur to you that we DON'T EAT?**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **just cuz we don't eat doesn't mean we can't be ****hungry.**

**PillowBiter1901:** **Emmett, that made absolutely no sense.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **it made perfect sense. U just don't get it cuz ur stupid.**

**PillowBiter1901:** **Emmett, if you were twice as smart as you seem to ****think**** you are, I would still be smarter than you.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **BUT, If you were half as smart as you are now, then I would be twice as smart as you, therefore, I will be smarterer, ergo, you would be dumber.**

**PillowBiter1901:** **did you just use the word 'smarterer' in an attempt to prove** **that you are smarter than me?? Plus, that would actually make sense...if it even made sense.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **again, it made perfect sense...to the smarterer pplzz.**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **I'm still in shock that he used 'ergo' properly in a sentence.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **I'M HUNNNNNGRRRYYYYY!!**

**PillowBiter1901:** **Moron.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **HEY EDWARD, DOES TOAST TASTE GOOD?**

**PillowBiter1901:** **HOW WOULD I KNOW?! AND ****WHY??**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: CUZ I WANT SUM TOAAAASSSTTT!!** **AND WAFFFFFFFLES!! ARE WAFFLES GOOD?**

**PillowBiter1901:** **I DON'T KNOW!!**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** Do you like Waffles? Yeah, we like waffles! Do you like pancakes? Yeah, we like pancakes! Do you like french toasts? Yeah, we like french toasts! Di bi di bi di, get an waffles! Waffles! Waffles! Waffles! Wa- Di bi di bi di, get an waffles!**

**PillowBiter1901:** **??**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **It's a song, Eddy, get with it. 'Do You Like Waffles?' by: Parry Gripp (A/N it's a real song. Go ahead. Google it. I ****dare**** you.)**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **I LIKE THAT SONG!!**

**PillowBiter1901:** **Of course you do, Emmett.**

_**Bite x Me has entered chat.**_

_**DaChillPill has entered chat.**_

**Bite x Me**: **HEY!! What r u guys talking about??**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **waffles. And toast. And boxes. And the 'Fun Box' song. Oh, and 'Do You Like Waffles?' **

**Bite x Me**:** THE FUN BOX W/ EMMETT INSIDE EATIN' TOAST AND WAFFLES SAYIN' "Mr. Happy, I do not have a carrot in my ear." (A/N from the Mr. Men show. My friend thinks that show is insanely retarded, so she was telling me about this one part...)**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** LOL I REMEMBER THAT!!**

**PillowBiter1901: Who is Mr. Happy? And whats with the carrot?**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** -sigh- shall we, Bella?**

**Bite x Me**:** We shall.**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** I GET TO BE MR. HAPPY!!**

**Bite x Me**:** -sigh- fine then. I will be Mr. Stubborn. **

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** -Mr. Happy is the doctor- "Mr. Stubborn, I am so very sorry to tell you that you have a carrot in your ear."**

**Bite x Me**:** "Mr. Happy, I do not have a carrot in my ear."**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** "But you —"**

**Bite x Me**:** "I. DO. NOT. HAVE. A. CARROT. IN. MY. EAR."**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** "Look" -hands him a mirror-**

**Bite x Me**:** -looks in mirror- "Mr. Happy, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT I HAVE A CARROT IN MY EAR?!"**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** -takes away mirror- "Okay now that we're on the same page, we have to figure out how to get the carrot out of you—"**

**Bite x Me**:** "I thought we had already established that I HAVE NO CARROT IN MY EAR."**

**DaChillPill: W.O.W. LMAO**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** ergo, "Mr. Happy, I do not have a carrot in my ear."**

**PillowBiter1901: I agree with Jasper. W.O.W. That was a special kind of special.**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** LIKE EMMETT!!**

**Bite x Me: heyheyheyhey, EMMETT!! DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE OF THOSE CANDIES YOU GAVE ME??**

**PillowBiter1901: ...candy? Emmett, you...gave her CANDY?? You know how she reacts...**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: um...no, Bella! What ever are you talking about...?**

**Bite x Me: You know, the CANDIESSSSS! The ones that you gave me and said that if I ate a WHOLLLLLLLE lot of em then I would have more FUUUUUUUN!! THOSE CANDIES!!**

**PillowBiter1901: Emmett...**

**Bite x Me:HEY EDWARRRRRRRD! I HAVE A QUESTIONNNNNNNN!! **

**PillowBiter1901: what is it...?**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: uh...I need to go...pick up the pizza I just ordered...byeee**

_**FluffumsTheTeddyBear has left chat.**_

**Bite x Me: why did Emmett just order a pizza?**

**PillowBiter1901: we will never know. Was that ur question?**

**Bite x Me: noooooooooo...**

**PillowBiter1901: shoot.**

**Bite x Me: Did Carlisle eat the apple off the tree...? And open the box-thingy with the hope in it (A/N Pandora's Box)...? And split the oceans...? And Build the pyramids...? And write the Bible...? And invent the iPod...?**

**PillowBiter1901: No, honey, that was Chuck Norris.**

**Bite x Me: Oh. SEE, NOW THAT MAKES SENSE!! I mean, Chuck Norris can do anything. He even decides what freaken' time it is!!**

**PillowBiter1901: hey Bella...where are you now...? you aren't at the house and I'm getting worried...?**

**Bite x Me: I am tanning, Edward.**

**PillowBiter1901: you're...tanning?**

**Bite x Me: yes, can you READ?? TANNING. T-A-N-N-I-N-G.**

**DaChillPill: Bella, we sparkle in the sun, we don't tan.**

**Bite x Me: No, Silly Billy!!I'm tanning in the shade.**

**PillowBiter1901: you are...tanning in the shade?**

**Bite x Me: Yes.**

**PillowBiter1901: Alright then.**

**DaChillPill: who is Silly Billy?**

**Bite x Me: Billy.**

**DaChillPill: Billy?**

**Bite x Me: Yes, Billy. Billy was being silly, ergo 'Silly Billy'.**

**DaChillPill: Billy-billy or just Billy?**

**Bite x Me: No, Silly Billy!! Billy with the stuff and junk and the what-not.**

**DaChillPill: Billy Black?**

**Bite x Me: NOOOOO! I would sooooo hit that with a Volvo. No, you remeber Billy!! He was all like 'we go together like Oreos and —"**

**DaChillPill: Milk?**

**Bite x Me: Don't interrupt, it's rude. And no, since when do Oreos and milk go together? I was gonna say bacon, but you so rudely interrupted me.**

**PillowBiter1901: Oreos and...bacon...**

**Bite x Me: Yes, Eddy, I ****did**** say that.**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** LOL**

**PillowBiter1901: ...Bella...?**

**Bite x Me: yeees?**

**PillowBiter1901: ...I'm coming to get you...I'm concerned for your mental health...**

**Bite x Me: will you bring CANDDDDYYY?**

**PillowBiter1901: ...yes?**

**Bite x Me: oh. In that case; YAY EDWARD'S COMIN' TO GET ME!!**

_**PillowBiter1901 has left chat.**_

**( **_**3 seconds later)**_

**Bite x Me: YAY!! EDWARD'S HERE!! GIMMEH CANDYYYYYY!!**

_**Bite x Me has left chat.**_

**DaChillPill: wow. She's like...sugar high.**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** LOL. Hey, Jazz...wanna go...? )**

**DaChillPill: SURE!! **

_**adorablePIXIE**__** has left chat.**_

_**DaChillPill has left chat.**_

**A/N a couple explainations:**

— **this was completely random, and I'm not really sure what Emmett's personality was...I guess that it was...hungry...but this was just random, so if I didn't use ur idea, it ****will**** come up in another chappy, I promise )**

**-- Oh, and the quotes from the Mr. Men Show are not accurate. I never actually _saw_ the episode, I just got it from a friend. They may be a little off, but that's the basic idea.**

— **This just came up cuz I was looking through my yearbook from last year (ahhh...good times...)and one of my friends actually wrote: "Fun Bow w/ Emmett inside eating taost (I'll explain the waffles next...) And saying, "Mr. Happy, I do not have a carrot in my ear." You see, we got bored in French class, so we just started being random, and that's why it came up. The 'Fun box song' mixed with Twilight mixed with 'The Mr. Men show' mixed with randomness equals gooooood times...True story.**

— **The waffles was just cuz I was eating some (yes, I am eating waffles at 10:32 P.M.) And my friend just told me about the waffle song over an e-mail...so...yeah. Here we are.**

— **the tanning/ Bella being sugar high was partially me and partially my bffl's idea...you see, she got sugar high and ran into a wall and feel backwards onto the ground into the shade and her brilliant cover was that she was tanning...in the shade.**

**That was kinda long, I know, I just hope I didn't bore you to tears...PLEASE R&R!! LIKE IT? HATE IT? TELL ME. CLICK THE BUTTON...YOU MUST...cuz you know you want to...k.thanx.byee.**

— **Jazz**


	4. Authors Note MUSIC!

**Authors Note**

**Okay, so, since the last chapter was completely random, I have decided that it does not count as the song chapter, especially since I didn't even incorporate the only song given to me. So...GIVE ME YOUR SONGS!! GIVE ME MORE THAN ONE IF IT MAKES YOU HAPPY!!** **I JUST NEED ENOUGH TO WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTER!!**

**Oh, and I put a poll up on my profile (yes, I do realize that my profile is very bland. I will work on that. I have only had an account for all of...5 or 6 days, so...yeah.) Asking what you think Emmett's personality** **should be next (after the song chapter) and you choices are:**

**Ninja Emmett (HIYA!!)**

**Mafia Emmett (you hit me, we hit you back...)**

**Italian Emmett (Pizza and Momma Mia! and what-not)**

**Sleepy Emmett (wow. this one would be fun to write.)**

**Emmett the kindergarten teacher (would be equally fun to write.)**

**Idiot Emmett (more so than usual. Yes, I know that you are saying, "HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?!" But, I have my ways...)**

**Pirate Emmett (ARRRG! And what-not.)**

**Vegetarian Emmett (the normal kind, not the vampire kind)**

**or**

**Other (if you say that, then PM me with what you think it should be)**

**And...that's all. THANK YOU FOR PUTTING UP WITH ME!!**

— **Jazz**


	5. Fatuousity is my new word

**(A/N Okay, again, thank you to all who reviewed, and remember to keep reviewing!! It makes me oh so happy when I check my email and it says that I got mail from fanfic. So very happy. Anyway...I realize that 'Emmett the kindergarten teacher' won the poll, BUT that wouldn't exactly go with the music theme, so I took it upon myself to change it to 'Idiot Emmett' for this chapter, and I promise you that chapter 5 will be Emmett the teacher, so please refrain from voting until chapter 5 has been released. Thank you, and your flight will begin shortly. PLEASE KEEP HANDS AND FEET INSIDE THE VEHICLE AT ALL TIMES. THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING STOP & SHOP**.)

**(A/N Also, I got this idea from another fanfiction (credit goes to whoever did it) but it seemed pretty effective. LET'S SEE HOW MANY PEOPLE ACTUALLY **_**READ**_** MY AUTHORS NOTES; If you are reading this, then when you review, you need to add this:**

"_**I LOVE YOU!  
**__**YOU LOVE ME!  
**__**WE'RE A GREAT BIG HAPPY FAMILY!  
**__**WITH A GREAT BIG HUG AND A KISS FROM ME TO YOU,  
**__**WON'T YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME, TOO?"**_

**hahaha...Barney...he's a creeper...anyway, that is all.)**

**No, I don't own Twilight, blah blah blah...**

**Chapter 4:**

**PillowBiter1901: Edward **

**HotDog: Jacob **

**RunsW/Wolves: Nessie **

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Emmett **

**MotherOfIdiots: Esme **

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** Alice **

**DaChillPill: Jasper**

**SEXblondIE: Rosalie**

**Bite x Me: Bella**

_**Bite x Me**__**has entered chat.**_

_**PillowBiter1901**__**has entered chat.**_

_**HotDog**__**has entered chat.**_

_**SEXblondIE**__**has entered chat.**_

_**adorablePIXIE**__**has entered chat.**_

_**DaChillPill**__**has entered chat.**_

_**RunsW/Wolves has entered chat.**_

_**FluffumsTheTeddyBear**__**has entered chat.**_

**Bite x Me**: **HEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYY!!**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear**: **Yo.**

**HotDog**: **Hey, Bells.**

**PillowBiter1901**: **Don't you call her that, young man.**

**HotDog**: **WTF?! WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!?**

**PillowBiter1901**: **I am your father. You will do as I say. You remember the whole "My brother...My son." thing, right? I wasn't joking. Now sit.**

**PillowBiter1901**: **BAD BOY.**

**PillowBiter1901**:** I SAID SIT.**

**HotDog**: **You're not my father. Billy is.**

**Bite x Me**: **haha...Billy...I'd sooooo hit that with a Volvo...**

**HotDog**: **YOU HIT MY FATHER WITH A VOLVO?!**

**PillowBiter1901**: **He's not your father, I am.**

**Bite x Me**: **Edward is your father, Jacob.** **He said so.**

**HotDog**: **I repeat; BELLA, YOU HIT MY FATHER WITH A VOLVO?!**

**Bite x Me**: **No, Silly Billy!! Why would I hit Edward with a Volvo?**

**HotDog**: **HE'S NOT MY FATHER!!**

**PillowBiter1901**: **Don't speak to your father like that, it's rude. Now go to time-out.**

**Bite x Me**: **Yeah, Jake, that's rude.**

**HotDog**: **BUT I—**

**Bite x Me**: **RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE.**

**HotDog**: **UGH!!**

**Bite x Me**: **soooooo...Jake, watcha doooooin'?**

**HotDog**: **Bella, are you bipolar??**

**Bite x Me**: **noooooooooooooooooo...answer the question.**

**HotDog**: **whtevr.** **Anyway...I'm eating a potato skin.**

**Bite x Me**: **ewwwwwwwwwww...**

**HotDog**: **WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!** **IT'S A POTATO WITH CHEESE AND BACON. IT'S FREAKIN' DELICIOUS. **

**Bite x Me**: **Alright then...whatever you say Jake...**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** ...**Hey Rose, GUESS WHAT?!**

**PillowBiter1901**: **Oh, great.**

**SEXblondIE: What?**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **I'm. Too sexy for my shirt. Too sexy for my shirt. So sexy it huuuuuurts. (A/N my friends was singing this at lunch today...haha, gooooood times...)**

**SEXblondIE: I already knew that.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: True that. But did you know that...I'm. Too sexy for my cat. Too sexy for my cat. So sexy it huuuuuurts.**

**PillowBiter1901**: **Emmett, you don't have a cat.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: That's cuz Jazz ate it.**

**DaChillPill:** **I DID NO SUCH THING!!**

**PillowBiter1901**: **Emmett, Jasper never ate the cat that you never had**.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **Oh, yeah...that's right...Bella ate it. I got one yesterday, and she ate it. **

**PillowBiter1901**: **WHAT?! Bella, is this true?**

**Bite x Me**: **wut??**

**PillowBiter1901**: **what what??**

**Bite x Me**: **WUT?? I CAN'T HEAR YOU EDDY, SPEAK UP!!**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Bella, this is AIM, you don't need to hear us.**

**Bite x Me**: **HUH?! I'M LISTENING TO MY iPod, AND I CAN'T CONCENTRATE ON 2 THINGS!!**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **OH OH!! WHAT SONG?!**

**Bite x Me**: **HUH?! Oh. THE CITY IS AT WAR!!**

**PillowBiter1901**: **What? No it's not.**

**Bite x Me**: **It's a song. 'The city is at war, a place among the young and rich, ignore me if you see me, cuz I just don't give a s#!#!. The city is at war, bless the young and rich, with designer drugs and designer friends!!' LOVE THAT SONG!!**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **OMG ME TOO!!**

**Bite x Me**: **HEY JAZZ I JUST THOUGHT OF A SONG FOR YOU!!**

**DaChillPill:** ...**what?**

**Bite x Me**: **E IS FOR EMOTIONAL, RUINS EVERYBODYS DAY, M IS FOR** **MISERABLE PEEEEEEEEOPLE, O IS FOR ON THE DARK SIDE CUZ WE HAVE SOME FRESH COOKIES!! :) (A/N spells EMO. SING ALONG TO THE BEAT OF THE 'FUN' SONG FROM SPONGEBOB!!**)

**DaChillPill:** **BUT I DON'T EVEN LIKE COOKIES!! WHY DO YOU KEEP MAKING FUN OF ME?! **

**Bite x Me**: **Cuz it's fun :)**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **HEY EDWARD, I KNOW WHAT YOUR SONG IS!! (A/N the stupid part's coming up...now.)**

**PillowBiter1901**:** NO!! NONONONONONONONO!!**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: LIKE A VIIIIIIIRGIN. TOUCHED FOR THE VERY FIRST TIIIIIIIME. (A/N seriously. It was hard to make Emmett stupider, but, honestly, what is stupider that antagonizing Edward...James and Victoria did, and look what happened to them...nuff said.)**

**DaChillPill: LOL HAHAHAHA!!**

**SEXblondIE: HAHAHA NICCCCCCCE!! We allllllllllll know what happened after THAT...Nessie**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: STOP BEING GRAPHIC ROSE. THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE.**

**SEXblondIE: YOU SHOULD TALK!!**

**PillowBiter1901**:** OKAY, ENOUGH HUMOR AT MY EXPENSE. EMMETT, YOU WILL GO IN THE BOX IF YOU SAY ONE MORE THING.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: uhhhhhhhh... I'm sorry Edward...I didn't mean to upset you...**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** so...what do we do know?**

**Bite x Me**: **we could just name our favorite songs**...

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **SOUNDS FUN!!** **Nessie, what's yours?**

**RunsW/Wolves: hmmmm...I would have to say...Hot N' Cold.**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **CUZ UR HOT N' UR COLD. UR YES THEN UR NO. UR IN THEN UR OUT. UR UP THEN UR DOWN. UR WRONG WHEN IT'S RIGHT, IT'S BLACK AND IT'S WHITE. WE FIGHT, WE BREAK UP, WE KISS, WE MAKE UP!! LUV THAT SONGGGG!!**

**RunsW/Wolves:** **OMG I KNOOOOOOOOW!! My other favorite song is 'No Air' "Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air, can't live, can't breathe with no air. That's how I feel whenever you ain't there. There's no air, no air. Got me out here in the water so deep tell me how you gon' be without me If you ain't here, I just can't breathe. There's no air, no air**"

**Bite x Me**: **Chris Brown is soooooooo hot...**

**PillowBiter1901**:** you would leave me for Chris Brown??**

**Bite x Me**:** pshhh**...**Yeah.**

**PillowBiter1901**:** BELLA!! HOW COULD YOU?! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!!**

**Bite x Me**: **I WAS JUST KIDDING EDWARD!! Jeez, lighten up.**

**PillowBiter1901**:** Oh. Alright then.**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **...so, Bella, what's ur favorite song?**

**Bite x Me**: **HUH?!**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **YOUR FAVORITE SONG**

**Bite x Me**: **OH. WELL YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **Bella, she didn't yell. We are on AIM.**

**Bite x Me**: **WHATEVER. Anyway, my favorite song is...LETS SEE IF YOU CAN GUESS THE SONGS!! Write it down on a peice of paper or something.(A/N seriously, guess. I'll give you 3 songs**, **and when you give your review, add in what you think the songs are, and if you get them right, I'll write a chapter for you or something.)**

**Bite x Me**:** SONG #1: "Blinded by the lights, hold you through forever, Won't let you go 'cause if you jump I will jump too, we will fall together, from the building's ledge, never looking back at what we've done. We'll say it was love. Cause I would die for you, On skyway avenue"**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **haha...I know it...**

**Bite x Me**:** DON'T SAY IT, THEY HAVE TO GUESS!**_**:**_ **OKAY, OKAY!!**

adorablePIXIE

**Bite x Me: Anyway...song #2: "Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight (I know he's there and) You're probably hanging out and making eyes (While across the room, he stares) I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor, And ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes**"

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **I know this one too...you should pick a harder one, Bella.**

**Bite x Me: FINE! SONG #3: "Don't look up, Just let them think There's no place else You'd rather be. You're always on display For everyone to watch and learn from, Don't you know by now? You can't turn back, Because this road is all you'll ever have. And it's obvious that you're dying, dying. Just living proof that the camera's lying. And oh oh open wide, 'cause this is your night. So smile, 'cause you'll go out in style. You'll go out in style."**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **Huh. I didn't know that one...**

**Bite x Me:** **HA! So, what is YOUR favorite song??**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **"I don't know what's worth fighting for, Or why I have to scream. I don't know why I instigate, And say what I don't mean. I don't know how I got this way, I know it's not alright, So I'm breaking the habit, I'm breaking the habit tonight"**

**Bite x Me:** **BREAKING THE HABIT! OMIGOSH I LOVE THAT SONGGGGGG!!**

**Bite x Me:** **Jasper, your lucky. You have a theme song.**

**DaChillPill:** **um...no I don't...**

**Bite x Me: YEAH YOU DO, SILLY!! THE EMO SONG, REMEMBER?**

**DaChillPill:** **UGH! STOP MAKING FUN OF ME!!**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **Edward has a theme song too, Bella.**

**PillowBiter1901**: **Emmett...do you want to go back into the box?**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **I'm sorry, Edward.**

**PillowBiter1901**: **I thought so.**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** EMMETT!! WHAT IS UR FAVORITE SONG?!**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **"I really really hate that Stupid old pickup truck you never let me drive! You're a redneck heartbreak who's really bad at lying. So watch me strike a match on all my wasted time. As far as I'm concerned you're Just another picture to burn!!"**

**PillowBiter1901**:** ...why am I not surprised that you picked that song?**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **Pshhhhhhh...don't be hatin'**, **Eddy. Don't make me activate mah pimp hand. (A/N Quoted from my extremely spaztastic buddy, Trey.)**

**PillowBiter1901**: **Emmett, you don't even know how to pimp slap people.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **Oh, yes I do.**

**PillowBiter1901**: **No, you don't.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **WANNA FIND OUT?!**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **okay, okay, enough. Who haven't I asked already...hm...**

**PillowBiter1901**: **While you're thinking...Bella, I found our song :)**

**Bite x Me: Huh? Like, 'Our Song' by Taylor Swift?**

**PillowBiter1901**: **no, like, I found a song for us**

**Bite x Me: Oh. Well then, what are you waiting for? TELL ME!**

**PillowBiter1901**:** "I will never let you fall (let you fall), I'll stand up with you forever, I'll be there for you through it all (through it all) Even if saving you sends me to hell, Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart, Please don't throw that away. Cuz I'm here for you, Please don't walk away and Please tell me you'll stay, stay"**

**Bite x Me: Awwww...thank you!! :)**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **AWWWWW!**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **Ew. Fluff.**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **way to ruin the moment, Emmett.**

**Bite x Me: HEY EDWARD**, **GUESS WHAT?!**

**PillowBiter1901**: ...**what?**

**Bite x Me:** **Snape, Snape, Severus Snape...**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **DUMBLEDORE!!**

**DaChillPill:** **LOL**

**Bite x Me:** **HEY JAZZ! WHAT'S ****YOUR**** FAVORITE SONG?!**

**DaChillPill: "It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back. It's like a whirlwind inside of my head. It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within. It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin!" **

**Bite x Me:** **But, of course his favorite song is Papercut. I STILL DON'T FORGIVE YOU FOR THAT!**

**DaChillPill:** **I'M SORRY!!**

**Bite x Me: Whatever. Hey Nessie! This song reminds me of you!!; "Oh Capri, She's beauty  
Baby inside She's loving. Oh Capri, She's Beauty, there is an angel growing peacefully. Oh Capri  
Sweet Baby"**

**RunsW/Wolves:** **Mom, I'm nearly 16 mentally and physically. That song doesn't exactly fit.**

**Bite x Me:** **I DON'T CARE!! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M GETTING ALL EMOTIONAL HERE?!**

**RunsW/Wolves:** **Actually, no, I can't. We are on computers, over AIM.**

**Bite x Me:** **WELL, WHATEVER! YOU GET THE POINT!**

**RunsW/Wolves:** **Hey, Jake, I found a song for us, too :)**

**HotDog: Let's hear it, then**

**RunsW/Wolves: "(Some people) Want it all but I don't want nothing at all If it aint you baby, if I aint got you baby. (Some people)Want diamond rings some just want everything, but it means nothing, nothing if I aint got you.**"

**HotDog:** **Thanks, Nessie, ur awesome :)**

**RunsW/Wolves:** **I know**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **Bella?**

**Bite x Me:** **yeeeeeeeeah?**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **Sing a random song. The first song that comes into your head.**

**Bite x Me:** **Why?**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **DO IT.**

**Bite x Me: OKAY!! Um...uh..."You sit there in your heartache, waiting on some beautiful boy to, to save you from your old ways. You play forgiveness, watch him now, here he comes. He doesn't look a thing like Jesus, but he talks like a gentleman, like you imagined when you were young"**

**Bite x Me:** **WHY DID YOU WANT ME TO DO THAT?!**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **Cuz I wanted to see what you would say. Good song.**

**Bite x Me: Oh. Thank you :)**

**DaChillPill: "'Cause we're a million strong and getting stronger still, they'll remember we were here. With a million voices breaking silence till, they'll remember we were here!"**

**Bite x Me:** ...**random...**

**DaChillPill:** **sorry. I just wanted to be a part of—**

**Bite x Me:** **E IS FOR EMOTIONAL, RUINS EVERYBODYS DAY**!

**DaChillPill:** **Oh, crap.**

**Bite x Me:** **M IS FOR MISERABLE PEEEEEEOPLE!**

**DaChillPill:** **Fantastic.**

**Bite x Me: O IS FOR ON THE DARK SIDE, CUZ WE HAVE SOME FRESH COOOOOKIES!!**

**DaChillPill: Why? WHY MUST YOU DO THAT?!**

**Bite x Me: cuz it's fun. Didn't we explain that already? Plus, if you get to sing a random song, then so do I.**

**DaChillPill: Touche.**

**Bite x Me:** **is that really how you spell it?**

**DaChillPill: I dunno. I just guessed.**

**Bite x Me:** **Oh, okay.**

**Bite x Me:** **You know what band is amazing? **

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **what band?**

**Bite x Me:** **Aberlin. And Linkin Park, and Mayday Parade, and Paramore, and Good Charlotte, and Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, and Dashboard Confessional...But Aberlin is equally as amazing. "Who's gonna call on Sunday morning? Who's gonna drive you home? I just want one more chance to put my arms in fragile hands. I thought you said forever, o****ver and over. A ****sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion  
These thoughts run through my head over and over. Complaint****s ****of violins become my only friends."**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **PAPERTHIN HYMN!! UR RIGHT, THEY ARE AMAZING!!**

**Bite x Me:** **Of course I am right Alice. I am always right.**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ I**gnoring. Anyway, I know another good song!! "I'm not gonna write you a love song, 'Cause you asked for it, 'Cause you need one, you see. I'm not gonna write you a love song, 'Cause you tell me it's, Make or breaking this. If you're on your way, I'm not gonna write you to stay. If all you have is leaving, I'm gonna need a better reason to write you a love song today."**

**Bite x Me:** **haha...Sara Bareilles has a funny nose...**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** BELLA!!**

**Bite x Me:** **WHAT!?**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** BE NICE!!**

**Bite x Me: SORRY!!**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Hey, Alice, can I sing a song...? pweeeeeeese?**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** sure, Emmett. Have at it.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: LIKE A VIRRRRRRRGIN. TOUCHED. FOR THE VERY FIRST TIIIIIIIIIME.**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** Oh, not this again...**

**PillowBiter1901**:** EMMETT!! **

_**PillowBiter1901 has left chat.**_

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: C#!#!SIZ#!#!#IZZLE!!**

**_FluffumsTheTeddyBear has left chat._**

**(A/N and we alllllllll know what happens next.)**

**A/N Okay, so it wasn't that funny, but the music theme didn't give me many opportunities to say something random. Also, I am very brain–dead today, so I am in need of ideas. If you give me any that I want to use, then you will be included in that chapter, I promise :) or you could just say something random and that will spark ideas. (That'll get you a chapter too) **

**Also, remember to guess at what you think those songs are!! If you don't know what all of them are, give me 2/3 and you will still get a mention.**

**And finally, I just feel like saying this for no reason; my Language Arts teacher thinks that I am a strange person. Today in class we were supposed to write down a list of things that we would feel comfortable writing about (of course the first thing I put down was Twilight, silly) but somewhere down the list I put 'People that should get hit by buses' and when she was walking around to check our work, she laughed at me when she read it. And I frequently walk up to my A.T. teacher with Twilight news, just because I know it annoys her, and today I said "HEY MRS. HALL, I HAVE 4 TWILIGHT SHIRTS, THE TWILIGHT CALENDER, AND 2 TWILIGHT BOOKMARKS!!" And she rolled her eyes and said...something, but I can't remember (braindead, remeber?). I did the same thing to my L.A. teacher from last year. They think that I am a strange person, too. AND TODAY WAS MY MISS SABOL'S BIRTHDAY!! (my L.A. teacher from last year) and I went up to her and said; "CONGRATS! YOU'RE OLD!" And then I ran. For my life. No, seriously.**

**You didn't really need to know that, but I felt the need to say it anyway. I hope it did not bore you **_**too**_** badly...if that last sentence made **_**any**_** sense at all, then good. If it didn't, then I am deeply and truly sorry. **

**Your flight is now over. PLEASE REMOVE THE HARNESS OVER YOUR HEAD. THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING AT WAL-MART.**

**_Fatuous: Foolish, Stupid; Emmett.  
_No, fatuous-ity is not a real word,(fatuous is, though) but i will use it anyway cuz it sounds funnnny.**

**MY NEW WORD.**

—**Jazz**


	6. Ninja Muffins, Coloring, and Tacos

**Chapter 5: Ninja Muffins, Coloring, and Tacos**

**(A/N This chapter was completely inspired by the 'Pieces of Flair' section on Facebook, and a certain part of the 'Sex and the City' movie.(one of the parts that I was ALLOWED to see...But more on that later.)Oh, and not many people reviewed the last chapter, and those who did didn't but my retarded barney song!! So, if you are reading this, then add '**_**I like cheese and cookies are amazing' **_**in your review or something like that. (You can replace cheese and cookies when you write it. REMEMBER TO R&R!! THANK YOU!! )**

**PillowBiter1901: Edward **

**HotDog: Jacob **

**RunsW/Wolves: Nessie **

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Emmett **

**MotherOfIdiots: Esme **

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** Alice **

**DaChillPill: Jasper**

**SEXblondIE: Rosalie**

**Bite x Me: Bella**

**--**

_**Bite x Me has entered chat.**_

_**adorablePIXIE has entered chat.**_

**Bite x Me:** **HEY ALICE, GUESS WUT?!**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** WUT?!**

**Bite x Me:** **I have a ninja muffin.**

**Bite x Me:** **his name in Duncan.**

**Bite x Me:** **and he lives in the Bat Cave.**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_...**Bella, have you been eating more of Emmett's candies?**

**Bite x Me:** ...**noooooooooo...**

_**PillowBiter1901 has entered chat.**_

**Bite x Me: EDWARD!!**

**PillowBiter1901:** **Yes, Bella?**

**Bite x Me: HI.**

**PillowBiter1901:** **Hello, Bella.**

**Bite x Me: I LURRRRRRRVE YOU EDDY!**

**PillowBiter1901:** **I love you too Bella, really, but please, **_**please**_**...don't call me Eddy.**

_**FluffumsTheTeddyBear has entered chat.**_

**Bite x Me:** **Hey, Emmett, guess wut?**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **wut?**

**Bite x Me:** **You smell like butt.**

**Bite x Me:** **Oh, and have you met my ninja muffin named Duncan who lives in the Bat Cave?**

**PillowBiter1901:** **??**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **She had some more candy.**

**PillowBiter1901:** **Oh.**

**Bite x Me:** **Oh! Thanks for reminding me Alice!! Thanks for the candy Emmett!! but you seriously smell like butt. Not like I would know what butt smells like...but, yeah...awkward...**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **Bella, candy is not allowed in the classroom.**

**PillowBiter1901:** **WTF, Emmett??**

**Bite x Me: Oh, that's okay, I don't have any on me :)**

**Bite x Me:** **OH! LOOK, A SMILEY! LET'S NAME HIM BILL! Haha...I remember Bill...from chapter 2? Yeah, he was all like "hi, I'm Bill but my real name is Kevin Jonas." or was it Joe? No, Joe was Joe. Then Nick? No I think Nick was Bob, but he doesn't look like a Bob, and Kevin looks kind of like a Bob, but he looks more like a Kevin, But Nick doesn't look like a Bill either**, **and I guess that** **Kevin kind of looks like a slightly faggy version Of a Bill, but...I can't remember.**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** W.O.W.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **Now, Bella, settle down, class has started. Everyone, take out your box of crayons so I can teach you stuff.**

**PillowBiter1901:** **wow. Real professional, Emmett.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **Go sit in the corner, young man.**

**PillowBiter1901:** **What?**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **Go sit in the corner, you've been a naughty boy, Eddy. Mocking the teacher is not nice.**

**PillowBiter1901:** **Emmett, I do hope you realize that I am not going to sit in the corner.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **Yes, you will young man.**

**PillowBiter1901:** **Fine. I'll go sit in the corner if you go sit in the box.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **Uh...never mind, then**. **Does every one have their crayons out?**

**Bite x Me:** **YESSSSS! ARE WE GONNA COLOR?! I love coloring. I could color alllllllll day long if I had the chance.**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **Um...Bella, I do hope that you are talking ab—**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** **NOT IN THE CLASSROOM, YOUNG LADY. THAT IS TOO GRAPHIC FOR THE CHILDREN.**

**Bite x Me: children? ARE YOU REFERRING TO MY BEING A NEWBORN?! I RESENT THAT.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Anyway...draw your favorite animals.**

**Bite x Me: A BUNNY! I'M GONNA DRAW A BUNNY!!**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ **A bunny?**

**Bite x Me: Yes, a bunny. They are so cute and fuzzy and adorrrrrrrrrrrrrreable!!**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** Bella, we eat bunnies.**

**Bite x Me: YOU ATE THE BUNNIES?! HOW COULD YOU ALICE??**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** I DIDN'T EAT THEM!!**

**Bite x Me: Oh. Okay.**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** hm...I think I'm gonna draw a d— wait. Why am I doing this again.**

**Bite x Me: CUZ COLORING IS FUNNNNN!!**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** Psh...yeah it is...**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: ALICE.**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** SORRY.**

**Bite x Me: HEY YOU.**

**Bite x Me: YEAH, YOU.**

**Bite x Me: No, not you...**

**Bite x Me: That other guy.**

**Bite x Me: You right there!**

**Bite x Me: YES, YOU.**

**Bite x Me: Do you like tacos?**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: ME?**

**Bite x Me: YES, DID YOU NOT HEAR ME WRITE 'YES, YOU' ABOUT 50 TIMES?! I THOUGHT I WAS PRETTY CLEAR WHEN I SAID 'YES, YOU.'**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Oh. In that case, yes, TACOS ARE FREAKIN' AMAZING.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Okay, I guess that now we have to do something curriculum related, soooo...Bella! Finish the sentence!! On one hand...**

**Bite x Me: You have 5 fingers.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: And on the other hand...**

**Bite x Me: You have even MORE fingers!**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: uh...good job...Alice, your turn! Say no to...**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** drugs.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: say yes to...**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** waffles.**

**Bite x Me: AND TACOS!!**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Yes, that too, Bella, but it wasn't your turn.**

**Bite x Me: I'm sorry...**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: It's okay Bella. Now, Eddy, it's you—**

**PillowBiter1901: No.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: But you—**

**PillowBiter1901: Box.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Alright, moving along. It's...MATH TIME! Can anyone tell me ****why**** 2 plus 2 equals 4?**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** Emmett, are you high?**

**Bite x Me: Cuz purple spiders are napping on the moon. That's why.**

**PillowBiter1901: O...kay...then...**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: No, but you were...close, Bella. And as for you Alice, that was a very rude question.**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** But, Emmett, you—**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: AND THAT'S MR. McARTY TO YOU!!**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** whatever you say...Mr. McArty. Hey, Em— Mr. McArty, can I borrow your pen for a sec?**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Sure...-hands her pen- ...why?**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** Cuz I feel the need to poke you in the eye.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: OW! TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE YOUNG MISS!!**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** haha...okay...**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: I SAID GO!**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** I'm going...lol**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: THIS IS NO LAUGHING MATTER, YOUNG LADY!!**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** Sure, whatever you say...**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Okay, now that the troublemaker is gone—**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** I'm still here.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Ignoring. Now, IT'S SHOW AND TELL!! Tell me one amazing thing you can do.**

**Bite x Me: I can lick my elbow!**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** Bella, no one can lick their elbow. It's impossible.**

**Bite x Me: Chuck Norris can lick his elbow.**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** Touche.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Now you, Eddy.**

**PillowBiter1901: I can...color :)**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: THERE ARE CHILDREN PRESENT, MISTER.**

**Bite x Me: I RESENT THAT.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Anyway...SNACK TIME!! Everyone gets a cookie! Here you go, Bella...None for you Alice, and none for you Edward, I refuse to feed your potty mouth.**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** LOL. BAD BOY, EDDY!**

**PillowBiter1901: LOL. **

**PillowBiter1901: STOP CALLING ME THAT.**

**Bite x Me: STUPID RAISINS!! STAY OUT OF MY COOKIE!!**

**PillowBiter1901: ??**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** Don't ask.**

**PillowBiter1901: Okay.**

**Bite x Me: HEY, EMMETT, WANNA HEAR SOMETHIN FUNNY?**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: It's Mr. McArty.**

**Bite x Me: Whatever. Wanna hear somethin funny, Emmett?**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: -sigh- sure, whatever.**

**Bite x Me: You can pick your friends.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: I already knew that...**

**Bite x Me: You can pick your nose.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Oh god...**

**Bite x Me: BUT YOU CAN'T PICK YOUR FRIENDS NOSE!! HAHAHAHAHA!!**

**PillowBiter1901: Bella, are you okay...?**

**Bite x Me: Yes, Eddy, I am perfectly fine. HEY, **_**EDWARD**_**, CAN YOU TAKE ME TO THE BAT CAVE SO I CAN SEE DUNCAN?!**

**PillowBiter1901: Um, no, Bella I—**

**Bite x Me: TO THE BAT CAVE!! NANANANANANANA, BATMAN!! **

_**Bite x Me has left chat.**_

**Bite x Me auto response: **_**off to the Bat Cave so I can visit**__**Duncan, my ninja muffin, who is also Jacob and Tinkerbell's love child / muffin.**_

**PillowBiter1901:****Oh, great.**

_**PillowBiter1901 has left chat.**_

**adorablePIXIE**_**: **_**HAHA I GOTTA SEE THIS!!**

_**adorablePIXIE has left chat.**_

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:****Um...NAP TIME!!**

_**FluffumsTheTeddyBear has left chat.**_

**A/N Okay, so no one guessed the songs, **_**or**_** used my little song thing. I was a little disappointed, but that wont stop me from writing! YOU HAVE READ. NOW REVIEW!! WAS IT GOOD? BAD? FUNNY? HORRIBLE? TELL ME, AND GIVE ME IDEAS!! **

**Oh, and read my friend's story please. It's called 'The Vampires Next Door' AND I GOT MENTIONED IN IT!! (in the not-really-chapter-3 chapter three, I am the obsessed Twilight fan that had a fit when she told me that my name would be Galen in her story. Yes, if you haven't already guessed, I do go by the name of Jasper in public, hence 'Jazz' at the end of all my chapters. HEY, LOOK, THERE IT IS!!) k.thanx.byee.**

— **Jazz **


	7. TMI, Bella TMI

**(Nope. I do not own Twilight.)**

**(A/N SPECIAL GUEST ALERT! THIS PERSON GOT ONE OF THE SONGS FROM CHAP. 4 RIGHT!! #2 was: Miserable At Best by Mayday Parade. Oh, and I gave up the whole 'Emmett having a different personality' thing for this chap. To much work. He is just stupid here, but not as stupid as some of the other characters, but Alice is going through a phase, which is what I was reffering to when I said it was 'too much work'. I can only make so many characters have my special version of OOCness.)**

**Chapter 6: TMI, Bella. TMI.**

**PillowBiter1901: Edward **

**HotDog: Jacob **

**RunsW/Wolves: Nessie **

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Emmett **

**MotherOfIdiots: Esme **

**Dr.McSparkly: Carlisle**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** Alice **

**DaChillPill: Jasper**

**SEXblondIE: Rosalie**

**Bite x Me: Bella**

_**Bite x Me has entered chat.**_

_**DaChillPill has entered chat.**_

_**SEXblondIE has entered chat.**_

_**FluffumsTheTeddyBear has entered chat.**_

_**PillowBiter1901 has entered chat.**_

_**HotDog has entered chat.**_

_**adorablePIXIE**_ _**has entered chat.**_

**PillowBiter1901**: **Emmett, I swear to god. You. Will. Die.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear**: **Hey, Eddy, chilllllllllll. And don't take the Lords name in vain. It's not polite.**

**Bite x Me**: **YEAH! What did Carlisle ever do to you, anyway?!**

**adorablePIXIE: Bella, Carlisle is not God.**

**Bite x Me**:** but — oh yeah, Chuck Norris did all that stuff. But wait, if Chuck Norris did all those things, then who made Chuck Norris? Did Carlisle— no, he could never do anyth—**

**adorablePIXIE: Bella?**

**Bite x Me**:** Yeeeeeeeeah?**

**adorablePIXIE: Shut up.**

**Bite x Me**:** Okay.**

**DaChillPill: Edward, whatever Emmett did, wouldn't the box solve it?**

**PillowBiter1901**: **No. This is FAR beyond the box.**

**DaChillPill: OMYCORN, EMMETT, WHAT DID YOU DO?!**

**adorablePIXIE: Why don't you...call him to find out? :)**

**PillowBiter1901**:** NO! No, nononononoNOOOOOO!**

**Bite x Me**:** I WILL!!**

_**Background: " Sexy can I? Just pardon my manners. Girl how you shake it, got a playa like (ohhhh)"**_

**adorablePIXIE:** **HAHAHAHAHA!!**

**DaChillPill:** **YOU CHANGED HIS RINGTONE?!** **WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?!**

**PillowBiter1901**: **grrrrrr...**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear**:** And it only does that for Bella...why don't you give him a call, Jazz?**

**PillowBiter1901**:** EMMETT!**

**DaChillPill: Yeah, sure, why not?**

**PillowBiter1901**:** Because I will murder you. THAT'S why not.**

**DaChillPill: Oh, it's soooo worth it.**

_**Background: "'cause we are living in a material world, and I am a material girl. You know that we are living in a material world, and I am a material girl"**_

**DaChillPill: ****LOL. GOOOOOOOOLD!!**

**adorablePIXIE: ****OMG ME NEXT!!**

_**Background: "Touch my body, Put me on the floor. Wrestle me around, Play with me some more. Touch my body. Throw me on the bed, I just wanna make you feel like you never did."**_

**HotDog: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Hey, I'm helping next time. Edward bashing is FUUUUUUUUUN!!**

**SEXblondIE: LOL Nice job :) **

**DaChillPill:****HAHAHAHA!!**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear**:**hehe...now watch what happens when ****I**** call...**

**adorablePIXIE:****This should be interesting.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear**: **Oh, it will be.**

_**Background:**_ "_**LIKE A VIIIIIIIIRGIN. TOUCHED. FOR THE VERY FIRST TIIIIIME."**_

**PillowBiter1901**: **EMMETT!!**

**Bite x Me**: **OMIGOSH, EDDY, HOW DO YOU ****NOT**** FIND THIS FUNNY?**

**PillowBiter1901**: **BELLA, YOU TOO?!**

**Bite x Me**: **Well, yeah...it's funny...**

**PillowBiter1901**: **I. HATE. YOU. ALL.**

**Bite x Me**:** ...even me? How could you! I thought you loved me!!**

**PillowBiter1901**: **I-I DO!! I mean, I hate THEM. For messing with my phone. I don't hate you, Bella!! I love you!**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear**: **Ew. More fluff.**

**adorablePIXIE: ****SHUT IT, EMMETT, CAN'T YOU TELL THEY ARE HAVING A MOMENT?! YOU MUST LEARN THAT YOU DON'T INTERRUPT THESE THINGS!!**

**Bite x Me**:** Prove it! Prove that you love me!!**

**PillowBiter1901**: **Okay then we'll—**

**adorablePIXIE:****Thanks, Eddy. Now I have disturbing images of you and Bella...coloring in my head. FOR ALL OF ETERNITY. ALL OF IT.**

**PillowBiter1901**:** You didn't have to look...**

**adorablePIXIE: ****LIKE I HAVE A CHOICE!!**

**PillowBiter1901**:** Well, at least you don't have to listen to Rosalie and Emmett's thoughts while the coloring is being done!!**

**adorablePIXIE: Well, you didn't have to look.**

**PillowBiter1901**:** Oh, now that's just grimy. (A/N Yet again, quoting Trey in all of his idiot-tastic glory.)**

**Bite x Me**:** DOES THIS MEAN THAT WE ARE GOING TO THE COTTAGE?!**

**PillowBiter1901**:** Yes :)**

**adorablePIXIE: Unfortunately. **

**Bite x Me**:** TO THE COTTAGE!! NANANANANANANANANA! OMIGOSH I FORGOT TO VISIT DUNCAN TODAY!! Batman will be very dissapointed if I don't show up to feed him...**

**adorablePIXIE: How do you FEED a muffin?**

**Bite x Me**:** I have my ways.**

_**dogwithnonose**_ _**has entered chat.**_

**Bite x Me**: **OMIGOSH, BATMAN?!**

**dogwithnonose:** **no. I'm sooooo much more amazing than that.**

**Bite x Me**: **DUNCAN?!**

**dogwithnonose:** **No, silly! Keep guessing...**

**Bite x Me**:** CHUCK NORRIS?!**

**dogwithnonose:** **I wish.**

**Bite x Me**:** is that a 'no'?**

**dogwithnonose: Yes.**

**Bite x Me**:** wait..so it's a 'yes'?**

**dogwithnonose: No.**

**Bite x Me**:** No it's a 'no' or no it's a yes or yes it's a no?**

**dogwithnonose: I didn't say yes I said no, it's a 'no'**

**Bite x Me**: **Wait, what were we saying Yes to again?**

**dogwithnonose: I DIDN'T SAY YES!**

**Bite x Me**:** Then, no, it's a ye—**

**adorablePIXIE: NO, SHE IS NOT CHUCK NORRIS.**

**Bite x Me**:** Well! Someone is a bit touchy this evening!**

**PillowBiter1901**:** Bella, it's the middle of the day. The sun is out.**

**Bite x Me**:** THEN WHAT AM I STILL DOING HERE?! I SHOULD BE TANNING! TO THE SHADE!! NANANANANANANANA!!**

_**Bite x Me has left chat.**_

**PillowBiter1901**:** Oh god.**

_**PillowBiter1901 has left chat.**_

**dogwithnonose: what's with his screen name...?**

**SEXblondIE: Well, you see, it's a very funny story actually—**

**adorablePIXIE: THAT WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT. Right Rose?**

**dogwithnonose: But she just said—**

**adorablePIXIE: She's high. Don't listen to her.**

**SEXblondIE: WHAT?! BUT I WANTED TO—**

**adorablePIXIE: Edward is already planning on murdering Emmett. Do you want to be next on his hit list?! Just be happy that I'm saving you.**

**SEXblondIE: haha...Bella's right. You are being touchy. Is it someone's time of the month?**

**dogwithnonose:** **HAHAHA!!**

**adorablePIXIE:** **REMEMBER; DON'T LISTEN TO HER. SHE'S HIGH.**

**SEXblondIE: AM N —**

**adorablePIXIE:** **YES. YOU ARE. NOW SUSH!**

**SEXblondIE: haha...**

**adorablePIXIE: So, who are you, anyway?**

**SEXblondIE:** **Alice, you know who I —**

**adorablePIXIE:** **NOT YOU.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear**: **Oh, she is Kaye, and she is from the planet Raxacoricofallapatorious.**

**DaChillPill:** **OMYCORN! I THOUGHT ALICE WAS THE PSYCHIC!!**

**adorablePIXIE:** **I am. Emmett just looked on her profile.**

**SEXblondIE:** **STALKERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!**

**adorablePIXIE:** **Okay, she may be high, but this time you can listen to her.**

**SEXblondIE:** **HEY!**

**adorablePIXIE:** **So, where is 'Raxacoricofallapatorious**'?

**dogwithnonose:** **In China!**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear**:** I ALWAYS KNEW THAT CHINA WAS ANOTHER PLANET! WHEN ALL OF YOU LAUGHED AT ME, I WAS RIGHT!!**

**adorablePIXIE:** **Emmett, you never said that.**

**DaChillPill:** **Moron.**

_**Bite x Me has**_ _**entered chat.**_

_**PillowBiter1901**_ _**has entered chat.**_

**adorablePIXIE:** **So, how was tanning?**

**Bite x Me**:** Alice, you of all people should know that I wasn't tanning.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear**: **TMI, Bella. TMI.**

**Bite x Me**:** Sorry.**

**dogwithnonose:** **Well, I have to go make cookies.**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear**: **I WANT A COOKIE!!** **Where do you live again?**

**dogwithnonose:** **TORONTO!**

**adorablePIXIE:** **But you said you lived in China**

**dogwithnonose:** **I do. Toronto is in China.**

**adorablePIXIE:** **No...Toronto is in Canada...**

**dogwithnonose:** **No, it's in China. And China is in Raxacoricofallapatorious**

**Bite x Me**: **OMYCORN, I'VE SOOOOOOO BEEN THERE!**

**dogwithnonose:** **IN TORONTO?!**

**Bite x Me**: **YEAH! IT'S THE ONE WITH THE STUFF ON ONE SIDE AND THE GUYS WITH LEDERHOSEN** **ON THE OTHER!!**

**dogwithnonose:** **YEAH! THAT'S THE PLACE!! AND ON THE SIDE WITH THE STUFF THEY HAD THIS LEDERHOSEN STATUE WITH MARSHMALLOWS, PEANUT BUTTER, AND MOZZARELLA STICKS!**

**Bite x Me**: **OMIGOSH, I KNOW!! AND THEN I LIKE, WENT TO THE GIFT SHOP NEXT TO THE CRAYON SHOP WITH THE TREE STICKING OUT OF THE CEILING, YOU KNOW? AND THEN I BOUGHT THIS RUBBER DUCKIE THAT SAID "UR A MORON' WHEN YOU SQUEEZE IT AND ON THE SIDE IT SAID 'I EAT YOU. IN YOUR SLEEP.' BUT I LAUGHED CUZ GUESS WHAT? I CAN'T SLEEP!! AND I SAID, "You know what? It's a beautiful day! I think I'll skip my medication!" AND THEN A VAN FELL OUT OF THE SKY AND HIT ME ON THE HEAD!!**

**dogwithnonose: Yes, the vans in Raxacoricofallapatorious do have a tendency to fall out of the sky.** **OH! THE BUZZER JUST WENT OFF! I HAVE TO GO GET THE COOKIES OUT OF UNCLE BOB! BYE!**

_**dogwithnonose has left chat.**_

**Bite x Me**: **aww...now it's boring.**

**PillowBiter1901**: **I can fix that.**

**adorablePIXIE:MORE PICTURES!**

**PillowBiter1901**: **DEAL WITH IT!!**

**Bite x Me**: **TO THE COTTAGE!! AGAIN!!**

_**Bite x Me has left chat.**_

_**PillowBiter1901 has left chat.**_

**adorablePIXIE**: **AH! THE PICTURES!! THEY BURRRRRRRN!**

_**adorablePIXIE has left chat. **_

**DaChillPill:** **WAIT! ALICE, COME BACK!**

_**DaChillPill has left chat.**_

**HotDog:** **Well. That was interesting.**

_**HotDog has left chat.**_

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear**: **Woah. Where did he come from?**

**SEXblondIE: Who cares?**

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear**: **Good point.**

_**SEXblondIE has left chat.**_

_**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: has left chat.**_

**A/N So, yeah. Obviously, the one who got the song right was ****dogwithnonose****. If you get either of the other songs, I will incorporate you into a chapter to. REVIEW PLEASE!! IF YOU HATE IT, SAY SO!! (And tell me how I can fix it. Saying 'I hated it' doesn't really help.) IF YOU LIKED IT, SAY SO!!**

**The credit for 'Oh My Corn' goes to 'Wanna be a fictional character'**

**Oh, and if you are reading this, then answer this question:**

'**Do you like waffles?'**

**k.thanx.byee.**

— **Jazz **


	8. AN again sorry

**Sorry, author's note.**

**k, sooooo, I know it has been a while since I updated, and because of that, I have forgotten the screen names of the people that I promised to add into the chapters. Once I see it, I will recognize it**,** so if I told you that you would be in a chapter, just send me a PM saying so.** **Also, don't lie. Nothing will happen if you do, it's just really annoying.**

**Also, I feel obligated to say a few things;**

– **1. I have most of the next chapter written, so if I told you that you would be in a chapter, it wont be the next. I also will need to discuss plotlines with the people that I DID tell would star, so I have an idea of how each person wants to be perceived. **

– **2. The reason that I have not been updating is, quite simply, homework. Yes, the teachers seem to think that kids have nothing else that they need to do besides eat, sleep, and work, so they really pile it on. Plus, I had this project due on John Tyler (know who he is? Me neither.) A math test, and a social studies quiz all in one day. (yes, my school is retarded, so we have social studies instead of history)** **My point, after studying to the point of a brain hemorrhage, I was absolutely on empty when it came to ideas. So, please, bear with me, and if the next chapter is a giant FAIL, now you know why. **


	9. Touche

**A/N Okay, so I haven't updated in a while. I know. Don't make it worse, I already have Anthony the squirrel tracking me down. However, I love you all, so I am staying alive for you :) Oh, and I said that I wouldn't be able to do a guest? I lied. I could fit someone in. NOW REEEEEEAD! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! jk...funny how I say that at the beginning of chapter 7 of a vampire story...haha...now seriously. READ.**

**Chapter 7: Touche.**

**PillowBiter1901: Edward **

**HotDog: Jacob **

**RunsW/Wolves: Nessie **

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Emmett **

**MotherOfIdiots: Esme **

**Dr.McSparkly: Carlisle**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** Alice **

**DaChillPill: Jasper**

**SEXblondIE: Rosalie**

**Bite x Me: Bella**

_**PillowBiter1901**__**has entered chat room**_

_**Bite x Me has entered chat room**_

**PillowBiter1901:** Hello Bella :)

**Bite x Me:** Hey Eddy, you remember, on our honeymoon, when you all went into shock, right?

**PillowBiter1901:** yeah...what about it?

**Bite x Me:** well...I was wondering...could that happen again in any other situations?

**PillowBiter1901:** Well, yes. It could happen if a vampire is asked a question that involves complete absurdity, yet is still to challenging to decode.

**Bite x Me:** English, please Eddy. That would help.

**PillowBiter1901:** that WAS English.

**Bite x Me:** Well, dumb it down a bit!!

**PillowBiter1901:** Stupid questions.

**Bite x Me:** OH! Oh...

**PillowBiter1901:** -sigh- what now?

**Bite x Me:** well...I kind of asked Carlisle what 'IDK' means...

**PillowBiter1901:** and what did he say?

**Bite x Me:** he said 'I don't know'

**PillowBiter1901:** mmhmm. And you said...?

**Bite x Me:** I asked him, "Well, then who knows?" and he just froze.

**PillowBiter1901:** and where is he now...?

**Bite x Me:** wait...I thought Jasper was the therapist...

**PillowBiter1901:** he is. Just answer the question, love.

**Bite x Me:** um...well...in the basement...

**PillowBiter1901:** Bella, we don't have a basement.

**Bite x Me:** Then where did I put him...?

**PillowBiter1901:** I don't know.

**Bite x Me:** ...who cares?

**PillowBiter1901:** indeed.

_**RunsW/Wolves**__**has entered chat room**_

**RunsW/Wolves:** Hey, mom, 2 questions. 1, why is Carlisle in Alice's Porsche?

**Bite x Me:** ...no reason...maybe he wanted to go...shopping...

**RunsW/Wolves:** yeeeeahhh...I doubt it. Anyway, how was I made?

**Bite x Me:** oh, you see, we were just talking about what happened afte—

**PillowBiter1901:** Bella?

**Bite x Me:** yes?

**PillowBiter1901:** No.

**Bite x Me:** okay.

**PillowBiter1901:** Well Nessie, when people get married, they go places and do...married people things...and when me and Bella did these...special things...we came home and...POOF! You just...came out of...nowhere...

**Bite x Me:** wow that was awkward...

**RunsW/Wolves:** Will Jake and I get to do these things when we get married?

**PillowBiter1901:** I certainly hope not!

**RunsW/Wolves:** why?

**PillowBiter1901:** because...I said so.

**RunsW/Wolves:** that's not fair!!

**PillowBiter1901:** Oh well.

_**HotDog has entered chat.**_

**HotDog**: Nice job Nessie ;)

**Bite x Me:** Wait, WHAT?!

**HotDog**: Bella, it was a set up. I told Nessie to say that, just to see your reactions. And, if I should be so obliged as to say so, they were priceless. Plus, Nessie already knows about...that.

**PillowBiter1901:** first, no, you are definitely NOT obliged to say so. Second, how?

**HotDog**: I told her.

**PillowBiter1901:** you...WHAT?! Jacob, if you say what I think you just said, then I will hit you so hard that you will wish you weren't real.

**HotDog**: First, I typed it. Unless you can't read, then you already know that I mean it. Or do I have to spell it out for you? I. TOLD. HER. ABOUT. SEX.

**Bite x Me:** Ugh, Jake, you know I hate when you do that! Finish your sentences, we don't need ANOTHER Rosalie!! (one is more than enough...)

**HotDog**: Sure Bells, whatever, and I completely agree with the 'not needing even one Rosalie' statement.

**Bite x Me:** I DID NOT SAY THAT!! Not in THOSE words...

**HotDog**: It was implied.

**Bite x Me:** Touche.

_**FluffumsTheTeddyBear has entered chat.**_

_**DaChillPill has entered chat.**_

**HotDog**: Oh, anyway, I didn't finish. Bella distracted me. Second, you can't make me wish that I wasn't real, cuz, technically, we aren't real. We were all created by Stephenie Meyer, the literary Jesus.

**PillowBiter1901:** Fine. I will hit you so hard that...you'll wish that you _were_ real.

**HotDog**: Oh, wow, burnt. Pshhhh...no.

**PillowBiter1901:** You get the point. I will hit you _hard._

**Bite x Me:** Hey, speaking of Stephenie Meyer, did any of you read that book that she recommended?

**RunsW/Wolves:** The Hunger Games?

**Bite x Me:** YEAH!! THAT ONE!! That book was uh-mazing. Freakin fantastic! I see now why Stephenie was recommending it to total strangers in Target.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear**: OMIGOSH, STEPHENIE WORKS AT TARGET?!

**DaChillPill**: No you dipshit.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear**: I LIKE, NEED TO GO MEET HER!!

**DaChillPill**: Dude, she doesn't work at Target.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear**: But she said...

**DaChillPill**: And, plus, why would she need to work at TARGET when she makes millions off of 4 books that she wrote?

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear**: But of course she is making millions off the books, seeing as I stared in them.

**DaChillPill**: Woah, conceited much?

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear**: Conceited cuz I gotta reason.

**DaChillPill**: Touche.

_**sekhmetkitty002 has entered chat.  
**_

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear**: Oh, look! Another of my adoring fans!! :) what can I do for you?

**sekhmetkitty002**: umm...what?

**DaChillPill**: No, she is obviously stalking me.

**sekhmetkitty002**: Woah, stalking? Hello. I don't stalk.

**PillowBiter1901:** or do you...? whose to say she's not stalking me?

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear**: whose to say she's a she?

**PillowBiter1901:** she's a she. Why else would she be stalking me?

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear**: you have gay fans too, Eddie.

**PillowBiter1901:** As do you.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear**: Touche.

**sekhmetkitty002**: No, I am most definitely a she.

**PillowBiter1901:** See?

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear**: Whatever.

**HotDog**: that's right, whatever, cuz she's stalking me, fur sure.

**PillowBiter1901:** pshhhh, why would she be stalking YOU?? I mean, you smell...bad. Really bad. Like, seriously.

**HotDog**: So do you.

**PillowBiter1901:** Touche.

**HotDog**: Anyway, she would be stalking me cuz...

**HotDog**: I'm.

**HotDog**: Too sexy for my shirt.

**HotDog**: Too sexy for my shirt.

**HotDog**: So sexy it huuuuurts.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear**: No stealing my thunder. Not cool, wolfie.

**PillowBiter1901:** Did you really HAVE to write that? Was it really necessary?

**HotDog**: Yes.

**PillowBiter1901:** Wrong answer, pup.

**Bite x Me:** Edward, don't kill him for being right.

**PillowBiter1901:** what?

**Bite x Me:** Well, yeah. He IS too sexy for his shirt. I mean, is he ever wearing one? Do you even OWN shirts, Jake?

**HotDog**: Maybe. If I do, they're all gathering dust ;)

**Bite x Me:** nicccccce.

**Bite x Me:** Hey, are you stalking anyone?

**Bite x Me:** No, not you. To the left.

**Bite x Me:** Yes, yes...wait stop, yes you!

**Bite x Me:** No, a little more to the right...there!

**Bite x Me:** No, left...YOU! YES YOU!!

**sekhmetkitty002**: Me?

**Bite x Me:** UGH! WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP ASKING THAT?! YES YOU!!

**sekhmetkitty002**: Oh. No, I'm not stalking any one.

**Bite x Me:** You sure?

**sekhmetkitty002**: Yep.

**Bite x Me:** You _sure_?

**sekhmetkitty002**: Positive.

**Bite x Me:** Okay, you—

**PillowBiter1901:** Bella.

**Bite x Me:** Okay. So...if ur not a stalker, prove it.

**sekhmetkitty002**: k...how?

**Bite x Me:** Tell me...what are your view on Fruit Loops?

**sekhmetkitty002**: O...kay? Fruit loops? I used to love them when I was little. They turn the cereal  
milk a weird pinkish color and make it taste funny. Plus, I think the toucan  
is scary, even as far as cereal mascots go. I mean, it takes skill to make "fruity-licous" sound scary.

**Bite x Me:** I agree.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear**: I think that Fruit Loops are just gay Cheerios.

**Bite x Me:** I expected that out of you, Emmett.

**DaChillPill**: I think they are just wanna-be Lifesavers.

**Bite x Me:** What?

**DaChillPill**: I mean, like, yeah. They totally look the same. I think it is a patent bend. Like the whole 'Rock Band' and 'Guitar Hero' deal. They totally copied the idea.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear**: Totally.

**DaChillPill**: No mocking me.

**Bite x Me:** Lifesavers are patented?!

**DaChillPill**: leDUH. Where have you been Bella, under a rock or something?

**Bite x Me:** OME HOW DID YOU KNOW?!

**DaChillPill**: Okay then.

**HotDog**: I agree with the emo one. Plus, the Fruit Loops are better lifesavers than the Lifesavers!! Think about it. The Fruit Loop would eventually just shrivel up and slide down your throat or something. The Lifesaver would just sit there, stuck in your throat, allowing some air, while at the same time slowly suffocating you do death. A slow, and very painful death.

**Bite x Me:** How can you choke on a Fruit Loop?

**HotDog**: exACTLY.

**DaChillPill**: Who would be stupid enough to choke on a Lifesaver?

**Bite x Me:**: Emmett.

**DaChillPill**: Touche.

**A/N hope you liked it!! REVIEW! Seriously, it's like my crack. Your reviews I mean. Yeah, those. Anywhoos, thanks to** icefairy94 **for giving me the Fruit Loops/ Stalker approach. THANKIES!!**

**Oh, and I thought I would end with a funny thing that happened a lunch a few days ago, cuz I can't seem to get it out of my head, and I am thinking that the only possible way to stop laughing at random intervals because of this uber-duper randomtastic monent would be to write it down. So, here it is:**

_**Me, Paula (Alice), and Felicity (Emmett) Were all talking:**_

_**me: And then we all just said, like, China is a fail country. I mean, the lead paint and all. That's a fail.**_

_**Paula: pshhh...yeah.**_

_**Felicity: what are you talking about?**_

_**Me: China.**_

_**(Megan B. On the other side of the table)**_

_**Megan B. : DID YOU JUST SAY VAGINA?!**_

**And then we all started laughing cuz she didn't hear me right. Plus, she said it SO loud, and every one was reallly quiet when she said it, so, like, half the grade heard her. You had to be there LOL**

**Haha, Megan, haha.**

— **Jazz **


	10. Bipolarness

**Chapter 8: Bipolar-ness**

**PillowBiter1901: Edward  
****HotDog: Jacob  
****RunsW/Wolves: Nessie  
****FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Emmett  
****MotherOfIdiots: Esme  
****: Carlisle  
****adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** Alice  
****DaChillPill: Jasper  
****SEXblondIE: Rosalie  
****Bite x Me: Bella  
****TheBombLikeTickTick: Seth**

*****************************************************************

_**FluffumsTheTeddyBear has entered chat.**_

_**Bite x Me has entered chat.**_

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Sexy can I?

**Bite x Me:** No, Emmett, you can't.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Stuntin' is a habit, get like me.

**Bite x Me:** No thank you.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Suck my chocolate salty balls.

**Bite x Me:** ...I'd rather not.

**(All of those were real songs. And don't jump to conclusions about the last one; it is about making pastries. Gosh, you people have dirty minds.)**

_**PillowBiter1901**_ _**has entered chat.**_

**PillowBiter1901:** Emmett, why are you harassing my _wife_?

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Cuz I can. OOOOOOooooohhhh...Burnttt.

**Bite x Me:** ...not really.

**PillowBiter1901:** And, no, you can't.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** so it's a 'no'?

**PillowBiter1901:** Yes.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** so it's a 'yes'?

**PillowBiter1901:** No.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** So it's a no to the yes?

**PillowBiter1901:** Yes.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** So, is that a yes to then, or a yes to the–

**PillowBiter1901:** You know what Emmett?

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** What?

**PillowBiter1901:** Shut up.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Fine then Eddie! Be a buttface like that!!! I'm just gonna...go..sit in that corner....and if it looks like I'm crying, I just want you know that I'M NOT!!!

**PillowBiter1901:** That's a bit melodramatic, don't you think? And we can't cry, Emmett.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** WHY DO YOU HAVE TO KEEP PEEING ON MY DREAMS, EDDIE?!

**PillowBiter1901:** Excuse me? I did not pee on your dreams. We can't pee either.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** YOU KNOW WHAT?! JUST, UGH!!

_**FluffumsTheTeddyBear has left chat.**_

**Bite x Me:** Emmett was getting really annoying.

**PillowBiter1901:** I agree. It was taking all the power I have not to punch some common sense into him. I swear to god....

**Bite x Me:** I know. It's just sooooo tempting.

**PillowBiter1901:** Indeed. I wonder what sound it would make if we slammed his head into the table...So very tempting.

**Bite x Me:** Have you ever wondered what would happen if we cut his head open? Would we find anything inside?

**PillowBiter1901:** Air.

**Bite x Me:** That's it?

**PillowBiter1901:** Yep.

**Bite x Me:** I don't find that surprising at all.

_**adorablePIXIE has entered chat.**_

**adorablePIXIE**: Heeeeeyyy....anyone know why Emmett is crying? Or...trying to cry?

**Bite x Me:** I would have thought you would know before we did.

**adorablePIXIE**: Well, I try my hardest to tune out visions of Emmett.

**Bite x Me:** I can see why.

**adorablePIXIE**: I bet you can. Anyway, answers to my question plz?

**Bite x Me:** Oh, well you see–

**adorablePIXIE**: Oh. Did he read what you wrote?

**Bite x Me:** No, silly! If he read what we wrote, he probably would have killed us!!

**adorablePIXIE**: True that.

**Bite x Me:** So, anyway, Eddie told him to shut up, but that's no reason to cry, so I'm contemplating whether it's his time of the month or not.

**Bite x Me:** I know!! Let's ask him!

**adorablePIXIE**: How will you get his attention?

**Bite x Me:** I have my ways....don't question them.

_3.89 seconds later:_

_**FluffumsTheTeddyBear has entered chat.**_

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Bella, why did you throw your shoe at my head?

**adorablePIXIE**:You threw your shoe at him? That was your big way-that-I-should-not-question? I could have done that.

**Bite x Me: **Then why didn't you?

**adorablePIXIE**:Good point. Well, I would have _seen_ you do it, if I wasn't concentrating on what Jasper and I will be doing l–

**Bite x Me: **TMI.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: **So what do you guys want? Is Santa here to tell me I'm ugly and have no friends?

**PillowBiter1901: **Yes, Emmett, he is. But he got sick of waiting for you, so he told me to tell you that you have been a bad boy this year and that you wont be getting any presents.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: **B-but...I like presents :( How could Bob do that to me?!

**Bite x Me:** Bob?

**PillowBiter1901:** Oh, that's right, we never told Bella the truth about Santa. His real name is Bob and he is a math teacher in Oregon. He changed his name to Santa so that he doesn't get raped by children, but that happened anyway. He's Aro's drinking buddy.

**Bite x Me:** Santa drinks?

**adorablePIXIE**: leDUH. Where do you think he got the bright idea of sending presents to all the ungrateful children of the world?

**Bite x Me:** wait....SANTA IS REAL?!

**adorablePIXIE**: Yeah Bella, where have you been? Get with it.

**Bite x Me:** Oh. Well, that makes a lot more sense.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** So....Bob's not giving me anything?

**PillowBiter1901:** Nope.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** But I really wanted that Hannah Montana wig......

**PillowBiter1901:** I'm sure you did. Well, it will just have to wait till next year.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** BUT I WANT IT NAO!!!!!

**PillowBiter1901:** Too bad.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Well...I'll be in my corner if...anyone..needs me.... :(

_**FluffumsTheTeddyBear has left chat.**_

_**TheBombLikeTickTick has entered chat.**_

_**DaChillPill**__**has entered chat.**_

**Bite x Me: **OMICORN, IS THAT SETHY–KINS?!

**TheBombLikeTickTick**: Hey Bella :)

**PillowBiter1901:** Sethy-kins?

**Bite x Me:** uh-huh. If you thought you were the only one who got a cute pet name, you were sadly mistaken mister.

**PillowBiter1901:** Wait...you never gave me a pet name.

**Bite x Me:** Oh. Well. I'm sorry Eddie-poo :)

**PillowBiter1901:** Oh gosh.

**DaChillPill:** HAHA Eddie-poo XD

**Bite x Me:** Stop being mean to Eddie- poo, Jazzy-boo!

**PillowBiter1901:** Jazzy-boo LOL

**DaChillPill:** Don't laugh. You're Eddie-poo. Remember that.

**PillowBiter1901:** True.

**TheBombLikeTickTick**: Mine's the only cool one. HAHA.

**PillowBiter1901:** Yes. Sethy-kins. Very...cool indeed.

**DaChillPill:** *snickers*

**TheBombLikeTickTick**: It's better than Jazzy-boo and Eddie-poo.

**PillowBiter1901:** Harsh, harsh reality.

**DaChillPill:** Meh. Whatever.

_**MotherOfIdiots has entered chat.**_

**MotherOfIdiots:** *sigh* what did you guys do to Emmett?

**Bite x Me:** OMICORN!! I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT EMMY-PIE!!

**adorablePIXIE**: WHAT?! I swear you are bipolar Bella. A second ago you were wondering what the inside of his head would look like if you cut it open, and now he is 'Emmy-pie'?

**Bite x Me:** Well, yeah. Do you have a problem with that?

**adorablePIXIE**: No Bella. Not at all.

**Bite x Me:** Good.

**MotherOfIdiots:** Uh-hem. I think we should return to the problem at hand.

**Bite x Me:** And that would be...?

**MotherOfIdiots:** Emmett?

**Bite x Me:** Oh right. I forgot about him again.

**PillowBiter1901:** You're right Esme. Emmett certainly _is_ a problem.

**MotherOfIdiots:** Be nice, Eddie.

**PillowBiter1901:** Ugh. Not you too!

**TheBombLikeTickTick**: Oh, so Eddie doesn't like to be called Eddie?

**PillowBiter1901:** Shut it, Seth.

**TheBombLikeTickTick**: Okay.

**PillowBiter1901:** So, what's Emmett's problem this time?

**MotherOfIdiots:** Well, first he was all sad, then he was basically bouncing off the walls. I want an explanation.

**Bite x Me:** Well, he was sad cuz Eddie here told him that Santa wasn't gonna bring him presents.

**MotherOfIdiots:** Bob said what? I guess I need to give him a firm talking-to. Anyway, the bouncing part?

**Bite x Me:** I dunno. Maybe he has ADD?

**PillowBiter1901:** All vampires have ADD.

**Bite x Me:** Oh right. Well maybe that's why he was jumping, cuz we certainly didn't make him do that.....

_**FluffumsTheTeddyBear has entered chat.**_

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Hey guys!! WASSUP??

**adorablePIXIE**: OMIGOSH, ARE YOU BIPOLAR TOO??

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** No, silly billy!!

**Bite x Me:** Hey. No stealing my line.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Know what? I think I will.

**Bite x Me:** Buttface.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Whatever. Hey Esme, do you eat the box?

**MotherOfIdiots:** What box?

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** _THE_ box.

**MotherOfIdiots:** That box?

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** No, not that box.

**MotherOfIdiots:** Then what box?

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** You know.

**DaChillPill:** She eats the box.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Do you eat the box, Jazzy?

**DaChillPill:** Oh, I eat the box.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** And we _all_ know Eddie eats the box.

**DaChillPill:** Of course he eats the box. With Capri Sun and alarm clocks.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** OOOOoooohhhh....that right there is grimy.

**DaChillPill:** And you all eat the box with tacos. Mmhmm.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Oh no. I eat that box with some dish soap and chocolate.

**MotherOfIdiots:** WHAT BOX?!

**DaChillPill:** The box...you know...the box.

**MotherOfIdiots:** I do hope you realize I have no idea what you're talking about.

**DaChillPill:** Oh, you know. You know you know. We know that you know you know. You know.

**MotherOfIdiots:** No, I don't.

**DaChillPill:** Yes, you do. Go ask Carlisle if he eats the box and see what he says.

**MotherOfIdiots:** Fine!!

_**MotherOfIdiots has left chat.**_

._98 seconds later:_

_**MotherOfIdiots has entered chat.**_

**MotherOfIdiots:** Oh. _That _box.

**DaChillPill:** Yes, that box.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Yo, Jazz, I figured something out; You eat the box with cherries, don't you?

**DaChillPill:** DO NOT!! I sooooo eat it with crayons and pasta sauce. Don't get it twisted.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** mmmhm...suuuuure :)

**DaChillPill:** I DO!! No cherries here!!

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Sure, whatever.

**DaChillPill:** Back off Emmy-pie.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** What?

**TheBombLikeTickTick**:: CREEPtascular.

**DaChillPill:** Long story.

**

**A/N:**

**Well, I really don't think this chapter was that funny, but hopefully you guys will tell me whether it was or not in your reviews. Yes, I am implying something there.**

**So, about the end, the box is this joke that the immature buys in my school started. You can probably figure out what it is.**

**About the dish soap and cherries part, I have no idea. That was just random. The 'peeing on my dreams' part** **I got from somewhere else, but I don't know where so, so credit goes to whoever said it.**

**Oh, and please read my story 'Dark Blue'. If you were wondering why it took me so long to update, it's cuz I already have three chapters of it posted. It's a Twilight fanfic, of course, and I basically made it for all the people who think this story is illiterate, annoying, and/or not funny so that maybe they think differently of me.** **I had a lot of fun writing it, and I hope you guys like it too :)**

**– Jazz (Yes, I changed my penname.)**


	11. Stalker IDs and Crack

**A/N: So, I don't think this is that funny....it was kind of a mix-up of ideas because I felt bad for neglecting this story. Be forewarned, that it isn't that great. If you have any funny ideas, expiriences, conversations, ect., please tell me so I could maybe twist it and make it into an idea or such. Anyway, here's the not-so-great chapter:**

**Chapter 9: Stalker IDs and Crack**

**PillowBiter1901: Edward  
****HotDog: Jacob  
****RunsW/Wolves: Nessie  
****FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Emmett  
****MotherOfIdiots: Esme  
****adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** Alice  
****DaChillPill: Jasper  
****SEXblondIE: Rosalie  
****Bite x Me: Bella**

* * *

_**Bite x Me has entered chat.**_

_**FluffumsTheTeddyBear has entered chat.**_

**Bite x Me**: Hey, Emmett, could you answer a question or two for me?

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Sure. Wut up?

**Bite x Me**: Remember way-back-when when Mike said, "He looks at you like you're something to eat", referring to Edward?

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Yes.

**Bite x Me**: Well, he said that he only wanted to drink my blood when I asked him.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** ...So?

**Bite x Me**: So, isn't it the same thing?

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** No, not really.

**Bite x Me**: Do tell.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Well, I like to think of the humans as a cow.

**Bite x Me**: A what?

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** A cow.

**Bite x Me**: Why a cow?

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Becaus–

**Bite x Me**: Can we make it a bunny instead? I like bunnies!

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** No, it's a cow. So you see, Think of the humans as cows. The humans eat the cow, but only the meat.

**Bite x Me**: But you just said the humans were cows...

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** You know what?! I'll just give you one of those stupid 2nd grade analogies! Human is to cow as vampire is to human.

**Bite x Me**: So, if the humans are cows, are you saying that vampires eat cows??

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** No! Well yes, some, but, no! Humans eat cow meat, but they don't eat the fur, do they?

**Bite x Me**: Of course not!

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Well, think of the cow meat as blood for a vampire. The vampire drinks the blood, just like humans eat the meant, but they leave the body, like the humans don't eat the fur.

**Bite x Me**: Emmett?

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Yes?

**Bite x Me**: That made absolutely no sense.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Whatever. So, any other questions? You said you had a few.

**Bite x Me**: Well, yes, but now I'm contemplating not asking you, fearing that you will say something stupid again.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Oh, come on! Just ask!

**Bite x Me**: Fine. What does 'IDK' mean?

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** I don't know.

**Bite x Me**: WHY DOES EVERYONE SAY THAT?! Please answer me that!

**Bite x Me**: Emmett?

**Bite x Me**: Emmmmmmeeeettttttt?

**Bite x Me**: ...Emmy-pie?

**Bite x Me**: Crap. This always happens. I STILL HAD ANOTHER QUESTION!

_**SEXblondIE has entered chat.**_

_**PillowBiter1901 has entered chat.**_

**SEXblondIE:** Hey, Bella, have you seen Emmett?

**Bite x Me**: Um...No...Why?

**SEXblondIE:** I don't know. Just wondering...

**Bite x Me**: Alice told you, didn't she?

**SEXblondIE:** Yep.

_**PillowBiter1901 has entered chat.**_

**PillowBiter1901**: Anyone know why Alice is trying to beat Emmett with a baseball bat? ...I feel kinda sorry for the bat...

**SEXblondIE:** Well, yeah, I got the story from Alice, and she said th–

**Bite x Me**: She's high again. Don't listen to her.

**SEXblondIE:** Oh, not this again...

**Bite x Me**: What again? I think the drugs are effecting your brain, Rose.

**SEXblondIE:** I AM NOT H–

**Bite x Me**: Don't listen to her. She's high, but I already said that.

**PillowBiter1901**: It's okay. Just ignore Rose. I do.

_**BobThePotato has entered chat.**_

**BobThePotato**: HEY GUYS!!!

**Bite x Me**: Who are you?

**BobThePotato**: BOB MARLEY!

**Bite x Me**: ZOMG, I GET TO BE FRIENDS WITH BOB MARLEY!

**PillowBiter1901**: ...you're not Bob Marley.

**BobThePotato**: ...Am too.

**PillowBiter1901**: No, you're not.

**Bite x Me**: EDWARD! Stop being mean to Bob! You scare all my friends away!

**PillowBiter1901**: Bella, it can't be Bob Marley. He died.

**Bite x Me**: Srsly?! How did he die?

**PillowBiter1901**: He didn't want to amputate his toe.

**Bite x Me**: ...what does 'amputate' mean?

**PillowBiter1901**: Cut off.

**Bite x Me**: WELL WHO CAN BLAME HIM! I wouldn't want to cut off my toe either!

**PillowBiter1901**: Bella, he was sick, and – Oh, never mind.

**Bite x Me**: mm...k :)

_**adorablePIXIE**__ has entered chat._

**Bite x Me**: ALICE! Wait....what happened to Emmett?

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ Oh, I put him in the closet. I gave him a laptop for when he wakes up so he can talk to us.

**Bite x Me**: I see. I hope he wakes up soon. I haven't had any of his candy in a while!

**PillowBiter1901**: Bella, what kind of candy is it that he's giving you?

**Bite x Me**: It's home-made! :D

**PillowBiter1901**: Hmmm...okay.

**Bite x Me**: What?

**PillowBiter1901**: Nothing, just...thinking...

**Bite x Me**: Oh. Okay.

**BobThePotato**: Oh, the candy! I remember that!

**Bite x Me**: OMIGOSH, YOU EAT HIS CANDY TOO?!

**BobThePotato**: UM, YEAH!! I LIKE, NEED IT TO SURVIVE!

**Bite x Me**: ME TOO!! Hey, if Bob Marley is dead, and you say you are Bob Marley, are you one of...us?

**BobThePotato**: Nope.

**Bite x Me**: Oh. Then.....?

**BobThePotato**: My name's not Bob. That's just my stalker ID.

**Bite x Me**: I see. Wait; back up. THEY HAVE STALKER IDS NOW?! I could have sooooo gotten one a couple months ago.......

**PillowBiter1901**: What?

**Bite x Me**: Nothing. So...who are you stalking?

**BobThePotato**: Hmm...can't say.

**Bite x Me**: Aww... :( okay...

**IamNotStalkingEmmett has entered chat.**

_**  
**_**PillowBiter1901**:Well, that's very conspicuous.

**IamNotStalkingEmmett**: Okay, I count Alice, Edward, Bella, Rosalie...Bob..where's Emmett?!

**BobThePotato**: I am.

**IamNotStalkingEmmett**: What?

**BobThePotato**: I am stalking Emmett.

**Bite x Me**: Oh yeah, you just tell her, but not me when I asked!

**BobThePotato**: ...Whoops?

**Bite x Me**: Right.

**PillowBiter1901**: That's kind of...creepy.

**IamNotStalkingEmmett**: I AM TOO! Oh my GOD Emmett's such a teddy bear! I love him!

**BobThePotato**: you are what?

**IamNotStalkingEmmett**: Stalking Emmett! Duh!

**BobThePotato**: SRSLY?! WHAT'S YOUR STALKER ID?!

**IamNotStalkingEmmett**: Sofa King...

**BobThePotato**: Well, I just want you all to know that I lied. I'm not Bob Marley. My stalker ID is Wii Tawd Dead.

**Bite x Me**: XD

**PillowBiter1901**:...What? Bella, I don't get it...

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ OMIGOSH, HOW DO YOU _NOT_ GET IT?!? LOL!

**BobThePotato**: ...I don't get it either...what's so funny?

**IamNotStalkingEmmett**: I don't get it..wait..what don't I get? I'm confuzzled!

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ Okay, I just want to know one thing; did you get to pick your IDS?

**BobThePotato**: No, James Bond just gave them to us.

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ James Bond...? Anyway, it's funny because, look what happens what we put your names together and put 'I am' in front of it. '(I am) Sofa King Wii Tawd Dead.'

**PillowBiter1901**: Ah. I see now.

**Bite x Me**: Do you?

**PillowBiter1901**: Yes, I do.

**Bite x Me**: Okay!

**BobThePotato**: I still don't get it.

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ You don't? Wow. You really are Sofa King Wii Tawd Dead then :)

**Bite x Me**: That was mean Alice.

**BobThePotato**: Whatever. Where's the candy?

**Bite x Me**: YEAH! I WANT SOME!

**PillowBiter1901**: Oh god.

_**FluffumsTheTeddyBear has entered chat.**_

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Anyone care to tell me why I'm in the closet?

**SEXblondIE:** Well, Bella said–

**Bite x Me**: She's high. Ignore her.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Aw Rose, why do you keep getting high? I keep telling you it's bad for you!

**SEXblondIE:** ME! You're the one handing out cr–

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** You're right, she is high.

**SEXblondIE:** UGH!

_**SEXblondIE has left chat.**_

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ I think it's her 'time of the month'

**Bite x Me**: Oh, Emmett, I almost forgot. You have new friends!

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** What?

**PillowBiter1901**: Yes Emmett. They love you.

**BobThePotato**: OMIGOSH, I DO LOVE YOU!!

**IamNotStalkingEmmett**: ME TOO!! OMG EMMETT HAVE MY BABY!

**PillowBiter1901**: Why don't you take them somewhere, Emmett :)

**IamNotStalkingEmmett**: YEAH! Take me! I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABY!

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** That I can do! WAIT! All except the baby thing. You do know I can't reproduce with humans, right?

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ Hm...I wou somewhere!

**BobThePotato**: AND GIVE ME CANDY!

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** This is wrong, Edward! She's not one of us!

**IamNotStalkingEmmett**: That's not cool :( I have feelings you know!

**BobThePotato**: CANDY!CANDY!CANDY!CANDY!CANDY!CANDY!CANDY!CANDY! CANDY!CANDY!CANDY!CANDY!CANDY!CANDY!CANDY!CANDY!CANDY!CANDY! CANDY!CANDY!CANDY!CANDY!CANDY!CANDY!CANDY!CANDY!CANDY!CANDY!

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ Hm...I'd like to have some of this 'candy'

**IamNotStalkingEmmett**: Sure...WAIT NO! IT'S MINE! Grr! You can't have any! Go away! Yumm...candy...

_1 minute, 82 seconds later_

_**(Note: this will be funnier if you've seen the video 'Shoes' on youtube. It has the same words as the video, but add ons at the end of some of the lines)**_

**Bite x Me**: Wait...did anyone else notice that there can't be 82 seconds in a minute?

**adorablePIXIE_:_** Whatever. OH EM GEE, LET'S TALK ABOUT SHOES!

**Bite x Me**: YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!! SHOES! :D

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Oh my God. Shoes.

**BobThePotato**: Let's get some shoes.

**IamNotStalkingEmmett**: Let's get some shoes! How about those purple sparkly ones with the cool heel and the words, "EmmettIsTheSexiestVampEver" on them!

**Bite x Me**: Let's get some shoes..Except mine need to be blue with the words, "EdwardIsTheSexiestBagelVampireEver!" **(B/N: Read "Notes Galore!" to understand the bagel part)**

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ Let's get some shoes!

**Bite x Me**:Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Oh, my God, shoes. Shoes.

**IamNotStalkingEmmett**: These shoes rule because, well, erm..they just do!

**BobThePotato**: These shoes suck...mine have a picture of Jasper on them!

**IamNotStalkingEmmett**: These shoes rule.

**BobThePotato**: These shoes suck!

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Oh, my God, sho–

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:**WE GET IT! YOU FREAKING LIKE SHOES!

**PillowBiter1901**: I blame you for this.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Eh, oh well. I got paid, so it's better for me :)

**PillowBiter1901**: You got _paid? _Emmett, would this candy happen to be crack, by any chance?

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Um...maybe?

**PillowBiter1901**: YOU FREAKING GAVE MY WIFE CRACK?!?

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** you're such a hypocrite!

**PillowBiter1901**: How so?!

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** You're tellin her not to have crack, but YOU are a heroin addict! You said it yourself!

**PillowBiter1901**: THAT WAS A METAPHOR, YOU MORON! I'm not SERIOUSLY addicted to HEROIN!

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Well, it's not MY fault that YOU said it and I took it the wrong way!

**PillowBiter1901**: Bella, do I have permission to kick him? PLEASE?!

**Bite x Me**: NO! NOT...THERE...ROSE NEEDS THOSE!

**PillowBiter1901:** ...fine. But ONLY because you said no Bella. Next time Emmett, next time...I'll send you to the box...

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** YOU CAN'T GET ME! I'M IN A CLOSET!

**PillowBiter1901:** You know what, Emmett? I could just kick it down and–

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ 'WHY CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS, WHY CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS!!!'

**PillowBiter1901:** Not the time Alice. I was in the middle of threatening Emmett.

**IamNotStalkingEmmett**: NUUUUUUU!!!! DON'T HURT EMMY-BEAR!! I lurves him! He's my totally awesome Fluffums!

**Bite x Me**: It's Emmy-_pie_. Get it right.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Why do you _lurve_ me?! I don't get it! I can't love you, I'm kind of married!

**IamNotStalkingEmmett**: ...It's because you're gay, isn't it?

**BobThePotato**: YEAH!

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_ Yes Emmett, come out of the closet.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** ...you guys are mean! :(

* * *

**A/N: I don't think this chapter is that funny. Anyway, review! Oh, and I'm sorry for taking so long to update. I had to work on 'A Twist In My Story', Plus the new story that is taking me FOREVER to write (it only has 1 chapter so far) , 'Beginning Of The End.' It starts off kinda boring, but it gets better, I promise.**

**BobThePotato** - twilite addict

**IamNotStalkingEmmett** - BubblyAmericanWriter1, **who just happens to be my super-duper amazing Beta for both this story and 'Beginning of the End'**

–**Jazz**

**B/N: (Beta Note): Okay you see, I added a couple things just to make it a little bit funnier! I hope it's not too over the top. Anyway, Jazz is, like, the best author (or close to it) That I've ever read! So be nice! Or I shall know...I hear voices in my head! ~L  
**


	12. another author's note

**Um, yeah, so read:**

Sorry, but my computer has a virus, and I caused the virus (un-intentionally) so my mom is going into complete b****-mode saying that it's my fault (which it kind of isn't, but sort of is) because I was just listening to music on playlist(dot)com, which is something I do EVERY DAY with nothing ever happening, but this time something did. So, it's not that my computer is broken, it's that I will most likely be banned from the compter for weeks after the problem is solved. I have a laptop, but I do not enjoy doing anything on it, at all.

So, what I'm saying is that it will be a while before I update. I'm using my friend's (ALICE! Thank you SO much!) computer right now to warn you, so this may be my resort once in awhile.

I'm going to update this same EXACT note to all three of my stories, so I will leave a little note for each:

**The Cullens Including Bella Use AIM!: **Sorry, you all gave me great ideas, and I WILL be using them. PROMISE! Just don't think I stopped the story if it takes forever to update!

**A Twist In My Story: **You guys might get lucky with this one. This is ALSO my Language Arts story, so all I do is edit out a few things and give it to her. Meaning that I can type it in class and send it to Paula (who is Alice, btw) and she will send it to my Beta, then update the finished copy, **_or_** she will hold onto it and you will get a whole lot of updates once I am not grounded.

**Beginning of the End: **I DID NOT STOP THIS STORY. I know it's been a while, it's just taking a while to put all my ideas togather and make them flow. This is another of my Language Arts projects (the Ari version, not the Bella one.) so I could also accumulate documents for this story. Oh, and the summary will come into the later chapters.

I apologize for my bad luck crashing the computer :(  
I didn't mean it, I swear!

**--Jazz**


	13. I Love You

**Chapter 10: I love you.**

**PillowBiter1901: Edward **

**HotDog: Jacob **

**RunsW/Wolves: Nessie **

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Emmett **

**MotherOfIdiots: Esme **

**adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** Alice **

**DaChillPill: Jasper**

**SEXblondIE: Rosalie**

**Bite x Me: Bella**

* * *

_**Bite x Me has entered chat.**_

_**FluffumsTheTeddyBear has entered chat.**_

**Bite x Me:** I love you Emmett.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** um....what??

**Bite x Me:** I love you with all of my toes. All 11 of them!

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** oooookkkkaaaayyy...

**Bite x Me:** I love you with all of my arm hairs.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** uhhhh.....

**Bite x Me:** I-LOVE-YOU-WITH-ALL-OF-THE-EYE-GOOK-I-GET-AT-SIX-IN-THE-MORNING-WHEN-I-WAKE-UP-AND-HAVE-TO-PEEEEEEEEE!!!

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** Bella, are you okay? We DON'T sleep, so how can we wake up, and we can't pee, so how do you wake up to pee?!

_**PillowBiter1901 has entered chat.**_

**PillowBiter1901: **Hello Bella, Emmett.

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** um...hey...

**PillowBiter1901: **Bella, what are you doing? I haven't seen you all morning.

**Bite x Me:** Silly Edward! I'm counting my arm hairs.

**PillowBiter1901:** Dare I ask why?

**Bite x Me:** To see how much I love Emmett!!

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** in my defense, I have no idea what's wrong with her.

**PillowBiter1901:** sure.

**Bite x Me:** Edward? Can you go buy me a dinosaur?

**PillowBiter1901:** Bella, dinosaurs are extinct.

**Bite x Me:** Well, I'm getting really sick of Jacob and co. coming over cuz they are annoying, and what scares off dogs? Dinosaurs. Now go buy one.

**PillowBiter1901:** I CAN'T!!

**Bite x Me:** Edward, go find me a dinosaur, and I might give you SOME of my 11 toes that I gave Emmett to love.

**PillowBiter1901:** what?!

**Bite x Me:** I told Emmett I loved him with all of my 11 toes.

**PillowBiter1901:** Bella, you don't have 11 toes.

**Bite x Me:** Yes, I do. What do you think this thumb is?

**PillowBiter1901:** That's a finger.

**Bite x Me:** No, it's is most definitely a toe.

**PillowBiter1901:** but you have 2 thumbs.

**Bite x Me:** Yeah, that makes 11.

**PillowBiter1901:** No, it makes 12.

**Bite x Me:** I think someone needs to go see Mr. Mcarthy to learn some math.

**PillowBiter1901:** Bella, 10 toes plus 2 thumbs make 12.

**Bite x Me:** You mean 11.

**PillowBiter1901:** no, I mean 12.

**Bite x Me:** I lost my pinkie toe in the war of 1812.

**PillowBiter1901:** No you didn't.

**Bite x Me:** Oh, and how do YOU know? Pray tell.

**PillowBiter1901:** Well, Bella, I've seen MUCH more of you than just your toes, so–

**FluffumsTheTeddyBear:** TMI.

**PillowBiter1901:** Oh, sorry, I forgot you were there.

**Bite x Me:** You...FORGOT?! How do you just FORGET that the lover of all my toes is here?!

_**FluffumsTheTeddyBear has left chat.**_

_**iamsototallyNOTemmett has entered chat.**_

**PillowBiter1901:** cuz that's not conspicuous at ALL.

**iamsototallyNOTemmett**: I no speak-e de englas.

**PillowBiter1901:** Nice.

**iamsototallyNOTemmett**: Sa habla espainiol?

**PillowBiter1901:** You spelled that all wrong.

**Bite x Me:** I can speak spanish too! Carzo mi elcola!

**PillowBiter1901:** That's not spanish...

**Bite x Me:** Yeah it is!

**PillowBiter1901:** no...

**Bite x Me:** yeah! It means 'I'm a fat cow!!'

**PillowBiter1901:** Okay then...

**Bite x Me:** Well, I have to go feed a purple bagel to Duncan, bye!

_**Bite x Me has left chat.**_

**PillowBiter1901:** You gave her more, didn't you?

**iamsototallyNOTemmett**: I did no such thing.

**PillowBiter1901:** sure.

-letter-

_Dear Edward,_

_I am writing this letter to you to inform you that I am leaving you for Emmett. As much as it may pain you to hear me say this, but I love Emmett now. He has stolen my heart and my toes and I love him with all of my boogers. Don't try and stop me, because I have already left. By the time you read this, me and Emmy-pie will most likely be in Finland. Well, that is all._

_xBella_

-notes-

(**Edward, **_Bella_)

**Bella, you are not seriously leaving me.**

_Yes, I am Edward. What would make you think__ other wise?_

**Well, for one, you said you loved him with all of you boogers. Second, you said you'd be in Finland by the time I read the note. You are standing right next to me.**

_No, I'm not._

**Yes, you are.**

_No, I–_

**Then, Bella, please explain how we are passing notes if you are note right next to me.**

**...**

**While your at it, please explain **_**why**_** we are passing notes.**

_Don't take the pen from me, it's rude! And...well....this is just a figment you your imagination!_

**Sure. Sure it is.**

_Ugh, well, we are passing notes cuz I didn't want Emmy-pie to hear when you broke down in tears after finding out your loss._

**Bella, did Emmett agree to go with you?**

_Well..._

**Thought not.**

_Stop stealing the pen away from me!!!_

**Bella, Emmett can't go with you.**

_Why not???_

**Because he was taken captive by his stalkers and was shipped to a deserted island. Rose already went after them.**

_EMMY-PIE! DUNCAN AND I WILL SAVE YOU FROM THE 3 MEAN LADIES!!!_

**Three? Bella, there were only 2. **

_Well, Rose is a meanie-buttface, too right?_

**True.**

_TO THE BATCAVE!!!!_

_NANANANANANANANANANANANA!!!!!!!!!!_

_...._

_WAIT! You still didn't buy me a dinosaur!!!_

* * *

**A/N this is short. I know. I decided that instead of doing long chapters, I would do short-ish ones so that I can update more often. And also because when I start wring the long chapters, I need to have enough ideas**** to keep the story going, which usually causes me to forget any good ideas I previously had.**

**On another note, I think I'm un-grounded. If it takes me forever to update anything of any sort, I would just like you to assume that I'm grounded. Or dead.**

**And on ANOTHER note, I'm on crutches!! Yes, I fell down the stairs. Well, one stair. Yeah. I broke my ankle by tripping over one stair. And I added them all up, and I have broken enough bones to almost equal half of my life. (5 out of 12/one-moth-away-from-being-13) The doctor told me that I am clinically a klutz, and I swear to god, he wasn't joking. And that's all. :)**

**I love you will all my toes Paula!!!!****lol (yes, every chapter has a story behind it.)**

– **Jazz**


	14. Jingle Bells, Jacob smells

**11. Jingle Bells, Jacob smells...**

**PillowBiter1901: Edward  
****HotDog: Jacob  
****RunsW/Wolves: Nessie  
****FluffumsTheTeddyBear: Emmett  
****MotherOfIdiots: Esme  
****Dr. McSparkly: Carlisle  
****adorablePIXIE**_**:**_** Alice  
****DaChillPill: Jasper  
****SEXblondIE: Rosalie  
****Bite x Me: Bella**

_**Bite x Me has entered chat.**_

_**DaChillPill has entered chat.**_

**Bite x Me:** Jasper, I love your hair, in all it's fluffy-ness!

**DaChillPill:** Thanks Bella! So, did you ever find Emmett?

**Bite x Me:** Ugh. Yeah, but he was hanging with this blond chick named Rose or something.

**DaChillPill:** Um, you mean Rosalie?

**Bite x Me:** Who? Oh, is that the chick that Edward told me to ignore because he does?

**DaChillPill:** I think so, yeah. Oh, Emmett left a present for you, Bella

**Bite x Me:** Wut? What did my Emmy-Pie leave me?

**DaChillPill:** Some more candy

**Bite x Me:** Oh. Ugh.

**DaChillPill:** What?

**Bite x Me:** Well, I don't like them anymore. They started to taste like pee.

**DaChillPill:** Whatever you say, Bella.

**Bite x Me:** Oh, did I tell you my most recent bit of news?

**DaChillPill:** No. What would the news be?

**Bite x Me:** I'm writing a book!

**DaChillPill:** That's great! What would it be about?

**Bite x Me:** Things that can change the characters lives in books.

**DaChillPill:** You are writing a book about things that can alter the lives of characters in books? That's very profound, Bella.

**Bite x Me:** Yeppers. It consists of breaking-writer's-block ideas, like family drama, murders, kidnappings, breaking up with boyfriend/girlfriends, a shortage of gummi bears when there appeared to be many gummi bears, and wiener dogs, of course.

**DaChillPill:** I highly doubt wiener dogs and gummi bears are life-altering, Bella.

**Bite x Me:** They so are.

**DaChillPill:** ...not really.

**Bite x Me:**Stop...Why does everyone like to pee on my dreams?

**DaChillPill:** Bella, you should be happy that I just pissed on your dreams.

**Bite x Me:** Why?

**DaChillPill:** Because, here's the deal, I'm the best there is. Plain and simple. I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.

**Bite x Me:** Has someone been watching Talladega Nights while eating my candy?

**DaChillPill:** Maybe...

**Bite x Me:** Oh. Well, that explains why they tasted like pee.

**DaChillPill:** Okay, that wasn't me! And I think you mean that they tasted like excellence.

**Bite x Me:** I'm going to burn my tongue now.

**DaChillPill: **wtevs. well, I need to go piss some excellence, so, bye.

_**DaChillPill has left chat.**_

**_Dr. McSparkly has entered chat._**

**Bite x Me:** Hey, Carlisle! Do you know where a flamethrower is?

**Dr. McSparkly: **um...no...why?

**Bite x Me: **I need to go burn my tongue.

**Dr. McSparkly: **That's not the best idea, Bella. We are highly flammable. HIGHLY.

**Bite x Me: **Well, Jasper pissed some excellence on--

**Dr. McSparkly: **Know what? I don't really want to know.

**Bite x Me: **Okay. So, what have you been up to the past few...how long have you been gone again?

**Dr. McSparkly: **Well, the strangest thing happened! I remember you...and some question...then the next thing I knew, I was in the Bermuda Triangle! So, I decided that while I was there anyway, I wrote down my philosophical musings as they entered my mind. And, while I was studying how things always disappear in the Bermuda Triangle, I came across something very startling.

**Bite x Me: **What did you find?

**Dr. McSparkly: **While I was watching a plane crash into a rock right off the shore, I had a brief moment of insight where I concluded that the chicken did in fact come before the egg.

**Bite x Me: **Ah, I see how they relate.

**Dr. McSparkly: **Indeed.

**Bite x Me:** Well, I need to go set up the Christmas tree, so, byeee

* * *

_Notes: _

_Bella, _**Edward.**

**--**

_EDWARD! Wanna play a game?_

**What kind of games, Bella?**

_What do you mean, 'what kind of--_

_Oh. Never mind. _

_Not those games!_

**Aw :(**

**I was quite looking forward to those games...**

_Later, I promise!_

**Alright :D so, what game?**

_Um...I forgot. How about we just sing songs and make up lines?_

**Uh, sure.**

_Holiday songs!_

**Okay...**

**Dashing through the trees!**

_In a one-horse open...Jacob!_

**To our meadow we go! **

_Kissing all the way!_

**Rose is being pissed...**

_I want to slap her hard..._

**What fun it is to laugh at Emmett for being a retard!**

_Oh, _

**Jingle bells!**

_Jacob smells!_

**Jasper has to pee!**

_Alice needs to do her shopping,_

**And Emmett wants another TV-e!**

_Oh, Jingle Bells, Jacob smells, Jasper has to pee! Renesmee watches gleefully as we put up the tree!_

**Alice is being impatient...**

_Jasper is making tea..._

**What good is that going to do if he still has to pee?**

_Oh, jingle bells, Jacob smells, Jasper has to pee! Esme finished decorating, so we will wait and see..._

**Jake just knocked down the tree...by jumping really high...**

_Edward's about to strangle him, so..._

**He BETTER f*cking hide!**

**HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO EVERYONE! Oh, and I reallllllly need people to read** **my other story, 'A Twist In My Story', because people have neglected to review the last chapter, regardless of the number of reviews from the other chapters. Please? That would be the bestest gift EVER! here's the summary, just in case someone did want to read it...**

**'**All Human. BxE Bella is having a really bad day. When she meets Edward, he seems to fix all that. They keep running into each other, and there experiences bring them closer together. Will they end up being more than friends?'

**I know that sounds boring, but I am so incredibly desperate. **

**MERRY CHRISTMACHANUKWANZA!!!! :3**

**--Jazz(y)**

**B/N: OHMYVAMPY! I swear, I just about pissed my pants reading the notes part with Bella and Edward. GAH Hilarious!  
**

* * *


End file.
